Turquoise Wishes's blog

Here is a random conversation I made up. I used some pieces of different conversations I had with some of my friends. It is very strange, so if you don't like randomness, do not read any further.

Once upon a time Keri, Lee, and Matt were all sitting on a couch, doing nothing. They are just plain bored and had nothing better to do, so they just talked about meaningless things.

Keri: Hey guys I've got a question.

Matt: Shoot.

Keri: Well, I've always wondered what happens when monkey's have coffee.

Lee: What? Why a monkey?

Keri: Because, using an ape would be pointless.

Matt: Whats so pointless about an ape?

Keri: Because apes are big and harry, and monkeys are just plain cute.

Lee: Wait I'm still waiting for why you want to give the monkey coffee!

Keri: Well I would hate to wast a hot chocolate on it. Coffee comes and goes, but I mean HOT CHOCOLATE! Why would you give a monkey hot chocolate?

Lee: The same reason you would give it a coffee.

I don't know what to do. My heart pounds through my chest every time I think of you. Every time you're gone my heart aches, giving meaning to the phrase "Absents makes the heart grow founder"

I'm lost in a haze that grows every time you're near.
From my last relationship, my heart is still mending itself, trying to pick up the pieces. I know how you feel, but do you really know how I feel?

How my knees quiver every time I see you. When I give you that knowing gaze, I stare deep into your eyes. Do you realize that I want to be with you, but I'm not ready?

Can you believe that I want nothing more then you, but right now I'm not ready. How I don't want to hold your hand or feel your touch.

Your text messages leave me feeling empty. How you say things, reminds me so much of my ex.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!

I know its a little late, but its better then never!

1. My family:
No matter how much my parents yell at me they still love me.... some where deep down inside.

2. My Friends:
They make me laugh, and do things that scare the crap out of me. Some times its just nice to know how much they love you, even if they can't extend your curfew.

3. Music:
It's the thing that makes me dance, that makes my friends at sing at the top of there lungs, and its the thing that will always be there. It's that fad that is always in.

4. Books:
It's what keeps the crazy, sane.

5. Coffee:
Enough said.

6. Pictures:
It's how I express myself though black and white.

7. Guys:
Girls need some one to pick on. Besides how would we get babies? *rhetorical question*

8. People Watching:
What else would I do when I sit on a park bench?

9. Computers:

When I pull out of the gas station, it's only me and the radio. I drive on the highway, passing old women who drive slower then snails. I look over to my map. My first stop is St. Louis. I figure I could park me car and get some sleep.
I'm only half and hour into my trip when I hear a song on the radio that I love. Its the Offspring singing You're Gonna Go Far, Kid.
"Show me how to lie, you're getting better all the time" I sing along.
Its steady beat makes me bob my head back and forth.
In so many ways I wish I could pull my car over and jump out and start to dance, but instead I gas it and pass another old lady.
..............................................................................

When it starts to get dark, I begin to think of the things I left behind back home.

I close the door to my old life. Walking down the stairs carry my old guitar, my half filled song journal, a duffel bag filled with cloths and other various items, along with the vintage sunglasses restring on top of my head.
"WHEN YOU LEAVE YOU CAN'T COME BACK!!!!" My mother yells through the aging door.
"Don't worry, it's not like I was planning to!" I call back.
Then she bursts through the door and looks straight at me.
"Your daddy wouldn't be happy about this!!!"
"Ya, but at least he left you once he saw your true colors!"
"You take that back you dirty, rotten, thieving-" she spits at me.
"THIEVING! I'm the one missing the money! I know you took it for your damned scotch! SO DON"T GO PLACING NAMES ON ME!!!" I yell.
I pop open the trunk to my old blue Hynda and place everything in. My back seat contains my pillow, a sleeping bag, and the only book to my name. Romeo and Juliet by the great William Shakespeare.
"WHY are you leaving me?" My mom asks.

For some reason, no matter what I do, I've been having problems uploading a new picture to my profile. I've never had this problem before, so I don't know what I'm doing wrong! HELP!! PLEASE!!
and yes, I've clicked the "delete the current picture" box! and to my knowledge, everything is legal, HELP!!!

When the medics and police arrive, Maddy and I are still hunched over Alex, balling our eyes out. Jake stands above me rubbing my back, trying not to make anything worse. The medics, made both Maddy and me leave, so they could could a final look at Alex.
"I'm sorry, but lady's, you are going to have to leave," the medic says.
Jake pulls me up and walks both me and Maddy out the door.
"Why does everything bad have to happen?" Maddy asks between sobs.
I feel Jake give a small shrug, not knowing what to say.
"I mean, it all started with you getting held at knife point," Maddy says pointing to me. "Then you had to go and save her!" She says looking at Jake. "It's like someone wants you... dead...." She says drifting.
I feel horrified at the thought. Why would some one want me dead? I did nothing, but do well on my math test. Why would people come after me?
"why would some one want me dead?" I ask out loud.

You say that you'll come back in one piece, but we both know its probably not true.
Seeing you in uniform, makes me think of every soul you might help.
How you can bring peace and prosperity to every one, but me.
I lay restless every night, knowing that you are leaving to serve our country.
Red, white, and blue flags flap in the wind, crashing into the fallen prayers of so many others.
I look into your eyes for what seems like the last time, and take a deep breath.
Rain seeps through the crevices of my heart, making me sink lower and lower into the bottomless pit of sorrow.
We pushed saying goodbye until the end, but now that it's here we don't know what to do.

The gun shot echos in my ears as I'm forced down the street, towards an ally. Johnny's heavy breathing leaves stray puffs of air, lingering in the distance. My mind is racing with thoughts of who was shot.
I don't think I could ever forgive myself in Jake was shot. Never.
"Sit," Johnny says pushing me into a pile of garbage cans.
I obey. Sitting in garbage wasn't my first choice of a chair, but its better then sitting in a grave.
Johnny looks at me. His ruffled blonde hair blows in the freezing wind.
"Stay," he says pointing at me.
Now I feel like a dog.
Woof Woof.
Before he turns around he looks at me one last time.
"Was he your boyfriend?" he asks.
"Yes," I say shying away.
I turn my head back and see small tears welling in his eyes.
"If I do anything either way I'm screwed," he says looking in the distance.
I try to put the pieces together, but I come up with nothing.
"When I leave, I'm not coming back, so don't even think of leaving," he says hinting.

There is only one night with you

Night slowly sets deeper and deeper. Snow begins to fall again, sending frozen crystals to fall all around Jake and I.
"I love the snow," I say with a sigh.
"I hate it," Jake says sticking out his tongue.
What? I feel lost. I try to be romantic and he ruins it. Wow. I still feel lost.
"Huh?" I ask.
"I don't like the snow," he replies.
"Okay, well. I like the snow, but I hate the cold," I say.
"Good to know. I just hate it all in general," he says shrugging his shoulders.
I shake my head.
"Why?"
"I just don't like being a frozen man-sickle,"
I grin.
"Don't you mean vampire-sickle,"
"Nope,"
Now I'm really lost.
"What?"
"I'm a frozen vampire/man-sickle. I still am a guy," he says smiling.
"Ass,"
"Can we start to walk?" Jake asks.
"Where ever the pop- sickle wants to go," I say sarcastically.
"Oh, now I'm pop," he says beginning to walk.
"Nope, your an ass," I say skipping ahead.
I look back and he rolls his eyes

Nouns, Verbs. Adverbs. Did I miss any?

Sit. Stay. Good boy! Now go home.

Eventually my parents get home, just as Maddy and Alex pull up.
"Hello-" my mom starts to say, but then I cut her off.
"Going to coffee shop with Maddy, be back!" I call out rushing out the door.
When I get into Alex's car, I look back at my parents who stand in the door way with a dumb struck expression on their face's.
"Gas it," I tell Alex.
With that we buzzed out of the drive way and started out to the cafe.
"So what is this thing all about?" I ask.
"There are some bands playing and I happen to like the 'fresh' and 'new' music they will be playing" Maddy says staring blankly in to space.
"No, there is this British guy that transferred this year and he is in one of the bands. Maddy has a little thing for him," Alex says.
"MADDY! Why didn't you tell me!?!" I say stunned.
Maddy always tells me these things, why didn't she say anything about this?
"I couldn't get a hold of you, and I.... uhhh..." she says trailing off.

Dear President Bush,
I wish I could put the pieces together.
You know nothing about being anyone, but The Man.
You have no idea what its like to live on minimum wage.
To be a single mother with a baby.
Having to go by the world with regretful tears.
Having to be strong for your kids even though everything is crumbling to pieces.
You saw the headlines about the 9/11, but do you know what its like to build a bed from a box?
How to make something from nothing?
The sky turns a shy shade of gray, when you try to build up our hope.
Knowing nothing will help, you still do your best, but there is nothing that can be done.
Looking yourself in the mirror, do you see every child that dies from HIV every night or the men and woman that died serving our country?
Do ever regret taking that oath into office?
Do ever want to know what happens beyond those white walls?
Well, here's your chance.
Take it and feed the homeless.
Take it and give tissues to the hopeless.

I'm always alone.
Left in the corner every night.
With a broken bottle in your hand, you threaten me.
Next time you will kill me.
I crawl along the tile, its coolness against my skin sends shivers down my spine.
Blood trickles down from my temple, leaving a trail before my tears.
My head spins with thoughts of suicide, rocking back and forth I wish to be taken away.
To be away from you.
From it all.
I find the razor on the couter and press it to my wrist.
A small drop of blood appears as I hear the church bells in the distance.
I want to be up high.
Where no one can touch me.
Slowly I press the razor deeper and deeper until there is nothing at all,
but the empty
bottle.

Shimmering lights circle around us.
Pressing against each other, I smell the beer on your breath.
Music plays in the background, making my head bob with the beat.
Your hands around my waist, wrap around me with ease.
You whisper in my ear, but I'm too high to hear anything.
High on anxiety.
Nothing makes sense.
I breath in and out hoping I can keep doing that.
I wish you would could make me breath.
Maybe you can
or
can't, but
it's worth a try.

I spend the rest of the day by myself, staring at the ceiling. Nothing else happens. No strange vampires breaking into my house and steeling my boyfriend. Nothing. At all.
Man, my life was really boring before this.
When I start to walk upstairs I hear the phone ring. I run back to the kitchen and pick it up.
"Hello?" I say.
"CASEY!!!" I hear two familiar voices yell.
"Hey, Maddy, hey Alex. Whats up?" I ask.
"What do you mean 'whats up?' You nearly get killed and then pretend that its all fine?" Maddy snaps.
"Are you alright?" I hear Alex ask.
"I'm fine, I'm actually pretty good. Do you know that guy that saved me?" I ask smiling to myself at the thought of Jake.
"Ya, some guy that rushed in and almost let you get your throat ripped out.... real hero," Maddy says flatly.
"But he didn't," I point out.
"Good, your throat should be in you, not cut out like a gutted fish," Alex says.

Over the next few hours Ruth has me do the “dirty” work. Some where between cleaning the toilets and mopping, I managed to find a few minutes to slip into the kitchen.
“Go into the back room, and go get the new rags. I need to clean up some of this grease,” Rob tells Will.
Will walks to the back room and I follow close behind him.
“So, having any fun yet?” Will asks continuing to walk.
“Well, cleaning toilets is my favorite,” I say sarcastically.
“Good to know,” he replies.
Will rummages through a box for the rags and comes up with one.
“How long have you been working here?” I ask.
“A few months,” he says heading to the door. “It gets better, trust me,” he says sliding through the door.
I hope it does. I don’t know how much more I can take of the ruthless Ruth. Does she have a hobby or does she just prefer to make me clean urinals?

Once upon a time in a far off, crowded city, there was a girl. She had to push and shove her way through the busy streets, to make sure she could make it to work on time.
Once upon a time, that girl was me, Amber Hale.
I live in New York City, among the flashing lights and over populated sidewalks. I’m sixteen, going on seventeen and I just started a new job as a waitress in a small diner called the Corner Diner. It’s my first day, and I’m running behind.
I’m trying to make it past old men who look dead, and the moms carrying crying infants, but to no avail, I’m never on time to anything.
When I rush through the diner’s door, my manager stands there tapping her 80 year old foot.
“Where have you been?” She asks irritated.
I look down to her nametag. “Maggie.” At least the old bat has a name.

Every time I hear your name, I begin to melt.
Every time I see you, its like I'm seeing you for the first time.
You radiate, with happiness, not caring about what other people might think.
With every step you take, you get closer and closer to my heart.
You teach me things I never thought possible.
We grow with each other in love and self- sacrifice.
Every day is like a dream.
Fading slowly to nothing.
Until there is nothing at all.

Don't tell me if I'm dieing.
I don't want to know what might happen.
I want to feel the sun against my skin,
warm and inviting.
I don't want to die, and become and angel.
I want to die and become a
Rebel Angel.
I want to dedicate everything to
the people who don't know me.
To the people that do know me.
To the sun.
To the moon.
To the Rebel Angel that I will become.

The next morning I roll over and feel around for Jake. He isn't there. I sit up and he isn't anywhere in my room. I get up and walk into the bathroom. He isn't there either. I decide to take this opportunity to take a shower.
When I walk out of the bathroom, I'm wrapped in a towel. I go back into my room and there he sits on my bed.
"I don't mean to sound mean or anything, but would you please get out," I say pointing to the door.
"Good morning to you too," he says getting up. "I like the towel, very classy," he says "casually" looking at my butt.

Jake and I sit in my car until midnight. We said nothing, but just sat there and looked at each other. We would burst out in laughter for no reason, and as weird as it seems, I became the happiest I have ever been.
"I think I have to go home," I say glancing at the dash board clock.
"Really? You couldn't spend the night?" He asks sarcastically.
"Lets tell my parents we're dating first," I say with a smile.
Jake rolls his eyes.
"Night," he says leaning in to kiss me.
I kiss him, but pull away before I want more.
"Night," I say softly.
He gets out and walks to his truck. I start up my car and pull out from the school, onto the road. I turn on the radio and listen to the late night rap the DJ is playing. When I pull into the drive way I see all the lights are on in the house.
Shit.

I see you
I feel you
I know you are meaning to do something.
You are there to unbreak my heart
You open the door to the light
Shinning rays of hope upon my life.
Holding you I feel I might cry
Here with you makes me feel sorry
for everything.
I have no idea who you are,
but
there is something I do know.
I'm love you with every piece of my soul.

With every breath I take I feel a though I might go under, but you come to my rescue.
You give me the breath I need.
Moving forward with you means skating on love.
With every step I take I know you are there.
In my heart you stay there,
lighting up the dark.
Leading each other through life is what we were meant to do.
Being here with you is what I was meant to do.

After Jake closes the front door I break down in tears, right there on the stairs.
"How did I get here?" I ask myself out loud between blubbers. "Why me? Why does this have to happen to me?" I say wiping a tear from my cheek.
My tears streak down my face straight down to the floor. They leave little puddles of hope on the tile. I decide its not worth crying about and climb up the stairs.
"He'll be back," I think optimistically to myself as I change my cloths.
As I head down the stairs I see the head lights to a car pulling into the drive way. Soon, my dad walks through the door.
"Hey kiddo, do anything fun today?" He asks.
Ya, making out and playing 20 questions with a vampire, nope. No fun at all.
"No, watched a little T.V," I say.
Then a thought pops into my head.
"I was actually going out," I say grabbing my coat, boots, and keys.
I run out of the house as fast as I can.
"Where are you going?" He calls after me.
"Wal- Mart," I lie.

Later that day I head up stairs to change. Jake still sits in the recliner staring at the ceiling, lost in thought.
"Are you okay?" I ask.
"Ya, ummm... I think I'll go home for awhile. You know, catch up on some sleep and things like that," he says getting up.
I begin to think I struck something when I was asking him questions. Why do I always ruin these things?
"Okay, I guess I'll see you later," I say avoiding his gaze.
"I don't think so. Just not tonight," he says walking towards me.
He gently kisses me on the lips then turns and walks out the door. I have that feeling I did something, but I just don't know what.

Every where I go nothing seems to be what it was.
I stand up and try to look for the better picture.
I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I know I can do better.
I'm not the saddest and I'm not the happiest.
I'm stuck some where in between.
Nothing is complete in my life.
I have to find the strength to pull through.
Even though I know I never will,
I try.
Every day is a struggle.
The sky hangs it's head in shame and gently begins to weep in sorrow.
Tears of snow begin to fall from hazy sky.
Gray clouds grow thicker under the pressure
and
begin
to
break.
I colapse in pain and scream.
Break through rays f light peer through the empty clouds.
They shine on me and welcome me in.
Pulling me closer and closer to the depths of the inner light.
Slowly I lift my head and begin to move forward.