StarRunner1991's blog

I'm sober, celibate, seventeen, and proud.

Crawling, inching closer
NEAR
Oozing, slipping, sliding
FEAR
Flee, fight?
Sleep tight!
We see that tear
Your dreams are here.

I opened my door, and buds of anger burgeoned in my stomach. Scattered clothes draped my bed and layered the floor. I knew that my mother had ransacked my closet. The importance of her date with stud-of-the-week had caused her to raid my sanctuary again. Heat flared in my stomach. It burned up my throat and into my eyes. Instinct now grasped me. Similar to a raging elephant, I crashed down the stairs and out the back door.
If I stopped sprinting, this scream would surely catch me. If it did, I didn’t know what would happen. I raced through the field. My bare feet felt no cold even though they were crunching through thin ice and thick snow. The frigid air and rapid pace caused my nostrils to flare.

I walked into spring 16 years young, and I strode out of summer 16 years old.

I'm tired of being played* with.
Being twisted around your fingers.
It thrills me when you call at home
but crushes me, 'cause in public-
not a world.
I'm fed up with being screwed with.
I finally said this to your cruel face,
and I mumbled it
to your nose.
If you ever read this,
know I'm glad
I broke up with him
And that I know
your laughing.

Know I'm never blessed with a day
where I don't cry.

*speculate on the word of choice.

An epiphany occurred when she turned page 19: she would never again love a nonfictional man.

Might I state that the PSATs are frightening?
I thought my vocabulary was complex and my mathematical skills sharp. I would waltz into that (now daunting) room and win myself a desperately needed merit scholarship. I'm glad that I played hookie on Friday, for now I know preparation is necessary.
On my mental health day I sat down with colleges scattered around me. I attempted to make a database on all the prospective schools, but I was too rusty with Microsoft Access. Then the paradoxical PSAT book started whispering to me. Its cheaply made pages fluttering; its prestige intriguing. I am a sucker for flaunting my scholastic aptitude. I began discovering my pre-score.

Holes don't disappear
too fast.
Especially if all that stitches them shut
are ropes of loneliness
and veins of anger.
The metal case that I sautered
to fit around my heart
appears to be made of iron.
Rusting.
Flaking.
I remember what once was.
Forever gone.

And loneliness caves in.
The emptiness filled with a salty ocean.
Where's that vein of steel?
Can I add to my iron cast?
It feels as if I'll never be rid
of this sad
sad song.

I snarl, howl
and sharpen my claws.
I slash, tear
and snap my teeth.
My weapons flash of rage
though beneath the skin they lie
these articles of battle.

In order to win the war
I must be a slick ice princess.
But really,
they don’t see the roaring fire empress.
I turn from the challenge,
once again.
Yet not without flashing a smoldering claw.

Hi! I'm Allie, and I've got a lot going on in my life right now. I just started blogging today. Perhaps this will be a positive outlet?
A few words to describe me:
I'm different.
I'm mature.
I'm often sad,
and I'm often happy.
I love the English language. I believe we have between 3,000,000 and 10,000,000 words. I would like to meet most of them.
I love to learn.
And I love my life despite how it tries me.
If life weren't difficult, what would I learn from it? How would I grow? Perhaps, in this moment of clarity, I should get that tattooed to my hand.

Thank you, in advance, for the constructive criticism.

Lightening crackles in my eyes
Reaches out and strikes my tries
Shots at fitting in a world
I've marched around, white flag unfurled
Received a glare, a rarer smile
Exists a place to stay a while?
Thunder rolls across my mind
Need a place to run that's kind
Cracks and booms, a flushing face
My flag's down, but not their mace
Screaming, shrieking, flee from woes
No where to run,
I face my foes.