From Far Away
From Far Away
By Bethany Sullivan
Mount Mansfield Union High School, Grade 11
Sugarcane streamlines the bus
jostling and jumping
over a not-so-paved road.
Tall and bright, tasseled at the tops
vividly green
but somehow not quite right.
Because for me,
green is the Green Mountain State
even when the mountains
are painted so white.
It`s my turtle-green junker of a Jeep
that I like driving to school
over potholed dirt roads.
And it`s the green ink
that proclaims `Made in Vermont`
on a gallon of pure, rich maple syrup.
It`s the wide pastures
where Vermont holsteins munch
and make milk creamy as a daydream.
It`s my best friend`s eyes
inquisitive and humorous
and the emerald green on the New England Federal Credit Union sign.
It`s the eruptions in the trees
of electric-shaded buds
when spring comes.
Green is Irish luck
or a healthy lawn
and it also seems to be everywhere.
But for me
it will always be home.
UVM Mentor Dear Bethany, Hi,
UVM Mentor
Dear Bethany,
Hi, my name is Billy and I'm a sophomore at UVM. I wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed your poem, I thought you chose great images to represent green in Vermont. I especially like your section on the "wide pastures", as I think you combine the image of the grass and the cows very effectively, with the concluding image of the "milk creamy as a daydream" being the strongest image in your poem. While the bulk of your images in your poem are great, there are a few I would specify a bit more. The "not-so paved road" and the "tops / Vividly green" I think could be made clearer with more descriptive language. Is the "not-so paved" road dirt, partially paved, worn pavement? Vivid is such a broad term, is the green bright, deep, piercing? Make sure to try and capture as much as you can in your images, and I think in those two instances you can get a bit more.
The other piece of advice I would give is to add space in between the sections of your poem. If you separate your poem into distinct stanzas, I think it would illustrate the contrast between Vermont green and other perceptions of green, in particular if you were to put the final section starting with the line 'Green is Irish luck" as its own stanza, that would just strengthen the transition even more.
I loved reading your poem Bethany, and I hope my advice was helpful. Keep writing!
Billy