Whisper

Hi Robert,
I really liked this poem. It read as very meaningful and honest to me, and I think it means a lot when a reader can take that from a work. I also liked the repetition of the word "whisper" throughout. Repeating the same word or phrase is often one of the most effective tools a write can use--you see it a lot in poetry as well as in film. I liked how you kept whisper consistent but changed the phrasing that it came with. It emphasized that what you are really looking for is something small but meaningful; I liked that.
One thing I might try is to either eliminate punctuation or to use it more often. It really sticks out when you use the comma halfway through and the ellipsis near the end--although that may have been your intention, to draw the focus to those particular points (one of the difficult things about this project is not knowing the writers in real life...sometimes that makes it hard to interpret certain things about their writing, like how they would want something read or if they want something to appear a certain way). If not, I might try eliminating all the punctuation and seeing how you like it, or adding more for emphasis. The great thing about writing, particularly poetry, is that you can always be changing and/or changing back. I like to go back to things that I've written after a semester or two and see how I've grown as a writer and what I might do differently now; go ahead and try that if you want to. And if not, that's fine. It's your poem, so you should always have the last word.
Best,
Tressie
UVM Mentor

Thanks a lot for your feedback! I realize what you mean now that I read it again and it looks better to me without any punctuation. Thanks again for the feedback!
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The crimson tears of slaughter flow eternally through the sands of time... ~Self Quoted