Jokes!

Q: what goes ha ha clunk?
A: Someone laughing their head off
(IK... it is a little corny..:)

"Knock-knock."
"Who's there?"
"Banana."
"Banana who?"
"Banana you!"
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Purple penguins rock my socks.

hahahah! i get a kick out of just about any joke nice!

Thank you!
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Purple penguins rock my socks.

ooh i know a bad one

q: why did hellen keller break her arm?
a: trying to read a sign at fifty miles per hour

thats horrible!!!!

Q: how did Helen Keller burn her ear?
A: she tried answering the clothes Iron

Q: how did Helen Keller burn her other ear?
A: they called back
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when life gives you lemons... order a root beer

hahahaha!!! that was sadly funny....
Haha look at this one...

Investigating a terrible accident
There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions.

The police chief asks, "What were the people doing on the bus?"

The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun.

The chief asks, "Yeah, but what else were they doing?".

The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle.

The chief says, "Oh! They were drinking, huh??!" The chief continues, "Okay, were they doing anything else?"

The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking.

The chief loses his patience, "If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?"

The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel

oh my word! amazing!

so a thief broke into a house one night...
and started to take things he took a fancy to, placing them in his bag with care... while he was thus engaged, he heard a voice behind him...

"Jesus is watching"

the man ignored it, thinking it was just his subconscious. so he continues his plundering of the seemingly empty house, when...

"Jesus is watching"

OK, he DID hear that this time. confused, the man looks around and sees a parrot in a cage behind him in the dark room. Not one to worry about the religious advice of tropical birds, the man continued to rob the house.

again, "Jesus is watching"

"Okay, thats enough!!!" the man said sternly. "what is with you, anyway?"

"my name is Moses" said the happy parrot.

"and what kind of idiot would name a parrot Moses" said the thief

the bird replied "the same man who named the bulldog 'Jesus'"
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when life gives you lemons... order a root beer

on the inside of a fire hydrant, you find H 2 O (water) ... but what about on the outside?

the answer: K 9 P
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when life gives you lemons... order a root beer

Omg ROFL!!!! I am laughing so hard now!!!! Those were sooooo funny! got any others??

here is a slew of pathetic elephant jokes from my dad that might make you laugh just at the sheer pathetic-ness of them all:

Why are elephants' feet flat?
from jumping out of trees.
Why shouldn't you walk through the jungle between 1 and 4 in the afternoon?
cuz thats when elephants are jumping out of trees.
Why are pigmies so short?
cuz they walk through the jungle between 1 and 4 in the afternoon.
and what is that gunk between elephants' toes?
slow-running natives.

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
so they can hide in cherry trees.
"have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?"
"no"
"then it works, doesn't it."
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when life gives you lemons... order a root beer

those are so funny!!!!!! OMG *get it together amie* *deep breath out* all good now!!! hahahahaha!

Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had drumsticks

Why do birds fly south in the winter
Because it's too far to walk

hahaha.....ha

man.... its those ones where you're like "I shouda known that..."

that really get you goin.... man! funny
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when life gives you lemons... order a root beer

to settle the presidential debate...
Hillary and Obama decide to go ice fishing. On the first day, Obama comes back with 2 fish, and Hillary with none.
"Its OK, Hillary, we can catch up tomorrow", said her advisor.
the next day, Obama caught 6 fish, and Hillary caught none.
again, with encouragement, Hillary went out the next day,
and returned with mothing.
Obama on the other hand brought back 10 big fish!
"Thats It!", said Clinton to her advisor. "Tomorrow, follow him... he has to be cheating... I know it... there is no way he can beat me like that in Ice fishing.... or anything!!!!!!"
So she follows him and watches him proceed to catch 12 fish.
She comes back to Hillary, who hasn't caught any.
"Well...is he cheating?" said Clinton.
"You betcha he is.... He's drilling holes in the ice!"
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when life gives you lemons... order a root beer

Oh my gosh!!!!! hahahaha that was sooooo funny... ahhhhhhhh...You gotta like the presindental jokes.. i hope we are not offending anyone.. if I am please say so...

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
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A thousand tears rolling down your cheek are healed by a single tear on the shoulder of a friend.

nice!

lets get some more people in on this... or I might run dry!!!
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A thousand tears rolling down your cheek are healed by a single tear on the shoulder of a friend.

A joke...
what do you call a short psychic that escapes from jail??/
A short medium at large!!!
hahhahahaha...

love it!!!!!

What did the baby bird say when it saw an orange in its nest?

"well just look at that orange marmalade." (read carefully)
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A thousand tears rolling down your cheek are healed by a single tear on the shoulder of a friend.

is there nobody who dares challenge Schila and I in the Joke entourage?
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A thousand tears rolling down your cheek are healed by a single tear on the shoulder of a friend.

hmmmm I have never had a joke contest but hmmmm trt this one on for size!!!
Why did the penguin cross the road?
To go with the floe! (hahaha get it ice flow?)

What do you get when you cross a penguin and an alligator ?
A: I don't know, but don't try to fix its bow tie :)

hahaha!

ok... so three guys walk into a bar. You would think at lest one of them would have ducked.

A tangled piece of rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "we don't serve ropes here"
"but Im not a rope"
"your not?"
"nope, Im a frayed knot!"

So, three Irish guys walked out of a bar......
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A thousand tears rolling down your cheek are healed by a single tear on the shoulder of a friend.

nice ;O)

Did you know that Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer?
to bad he never EVER cries!

Chuck Norris keeps a pillow under his gun.

Once, Death had a near-Chuck Norris experience

Chuck Norris Can believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Leading causes of death in US: 1. Heart Disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
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A thousand tears rolling down your cheek are healed by a single tear on the shoulder of a friend.

I was reading in my latin book the other day in class and there was a full page dedicated to chuck norris jokes...