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Prompt responses due Friday

14. Procrastination. If you had more time, you’d be able to put it off longer. What do you put off to the last moment? Why? Tell a story about how you just barely got something done in time – or didn’t.
Alternate: Splat! Use that word in a story or a poem.

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Trust in Music

Katy's picture
Submitted by Katy on March 29, 2008 - 20:32.

She liked to play in the shadows
made from flashlights and
the setting sun,
curl her hands around the radio
and turn it louder, louder,
until it filled her with
nothing but sound
to drown out all her thoughts.
She would dance in rhythm with
the beat of her heart,
her feet barely touching the earth.
She feared it would
shatter
with the weight of the worries
she was carrying on her
weak shoulders.
And she would sing,
her lungs filled with more than air,
her heart filled with more than love.
At night she didn't cry for
the past,
she cried for the future.

UVM Mentor Feedback

Submitted by kate.maciejowski on March 30, 2008 - 20:31.

Hi Katy,

This poem is beautiful in so many ways; the images you give, the way you describe emotions. It really is touching. It makes me think of my favorite song and the feeling you get when you hear it, it sort of just takes over and envelops you until it's over.

I suppose the only thing that I'm left wondering about is you're last statement, that she is crying for the future. I think that the ambiguity of the statement works, but I think it might be beneficial to disclose a little more about why this emotion is connected to music and why it is sparked at the end of the poem. If "her heart is filled with more than love?" why is she crying about the future? Not that this cannot be so, but it might be interesting to consider why. Good luck with a second draft and keep writing!

Kate Maciejowski
UVM Mentor

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