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Prompt responses due Friday

14. Procrastination. If you had more time, you’d be able to put it off longer. What do you put off to the last moment? Why? Tell a story about how you just barely got something done in time – or didn’t.
Alternate: Splat! Use that word in a story or a poem.

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If you’re Gonna be Stupid, You Better be Tough

Submitted by horsegrl291 on April 1, 2008 - 16:25.

You’d trip,
And fall down the stairs
He would say,
“If you’re gonna be stupid,
You better be tough.”

You’d be riding your bike
You’d hit a bump
And fall forward over the handle bars
He would say,
“If you’re gonna be stupid,
You better be tough.”

You’d drop your fork underneath the table
You’d bend down to pick it up
You’d sit up and hit your head on the table
He would definitely say
“If you’re gonna be stupid,
You better be tough.”

After a while you think,
All this is,
Is common sense,
You just like to hear him say it
You would wait,
And think,
And then act stupid again
He doesn’t say a thing.

You cry yourself to sleep at night
Wishing he would,
Say it just one more time
But he can’t
And you know it.
You just don’t want to believe it.

Right about now,
He would probably say,
"Toughen' up,
Buttercup."

But tears would still
Be falling

miss_literal's picture

im sorry you miss him.....i

Submitted by miss_literal on April 1, 2008 - 16:39.

im sorry you miss him.....i know this feeling, hang in there

miss_literal's picture

by the way, this is a great

Submitted by miss_literal on April 1, 2008 - 16:40.

by the way, this is a great poem. i love

You cry yourself to sleep at night
Wishing he would,
Say it just one more time
But he can’t
And you know it.
You just don’t want to believe it.

Right about now,
He would probably say,
"Toughen' up,
Buttercup."

But tears would still
Be falling

thanks...lol...this is one

Submitted by horsegrl291 on April 1, 2008 - 17:08.

thanks...lol...this is one of my favorite poems i have written this year...i have so many more though...the one entitled 'My Grandma' is on a different person but same subject...that one i wrote and read at her funeral when i was in 7th grade...poetry is a good way for me to get out emotions...and good ideas...
anyway, thanks for the comment!
Katie S.

ggevalt's picture

Great job

Submitted by ggevalt on April 1, 2008 - 16:54.

I like this poem a lot. It has a lot to it. Very fresh, imaginative. You seem in command of your words; you have voice.

One thought..."You’d sit up and hit your head on the table
He would definitely say" .... I found myself slowing down on these two lines. At first I thought it was the word "definitely" but I like that. Then I realized it was probably the repetition of the phrase "on the table." Try cutting that. OR, better yet, try reading the poem aloud and see where your tongue gets tripped up. Wherever that occurs (unless you're eating gummy bears) try smoothing out the phrasing.

One other thought. I like how you fixed the spelling in the last lines.

Welcome to the YWP and nice job.

gg

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