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I See Your Smiling Face

rbbrdck_137's picture
Submitted by rbbrdck_137 on April 4, 2008 - 07:24.

As the fog lay down ,
Like a big wool blanket
Around the cool pond,
I see your smiling face.
A bird chirps and flutters it's wings
Reaching high, undifined places.
I touch your hand,
And feel your soft smooth skin.
We brush up aginst a tree and lean on it together.
Your tangy vibrate colone wraps it's self around me
And takes me on a rollar costar ride.
You smile,
That perfect, charming smile
And say that you must go.
I hold your hand and fight the tears
It can't be time,
Already.
Your round lush lips delicitly touch my forehead,
And you turn away,
Forever.

emnoodlehead's picture

Aw, I really like this. The

Submitted by emnoodlehead on April 4, 2008 - 09:28.

Aw, I really like this.
The sensory details really give the poem a great shape.

"A bird chirps and flutters it's wings
Reaching high, undifined places"
Great line, but I think you meant to write ‘undefined’

Keep on writing, I would love to read more by you!

(Oh and I love your picture, hehe)

emnoodlehead's picture

Aw, I really like this. The

Submitted by emnoodlehead on April 4, 2008 - 09:28.

Aw, I really like this.
The sensory details really give the poem a great shape.

"A bird chirps and flutters it's wings
Reaching high, undifined places"
Great line, but I think you meant to write ‘undefined’

Keep on writing, I would love to read more by you!

(Oh and I love your picture, hehe)

emnoodlehead's picture

Woops, double post...ugh

Submitted by emnoodlehead on April 4, 2008 - 09:29.

Woops, double post...ugh

rbbrdck_137's picture

Thanks!

Submitted by rbbrdck_137 on April 6, 2008 - 10:39.

Rbbrdck_137
Thanks emnoodlehead! I did mean to write what you said. You went to the YWP conferince, right? Also, did you go to splat...I think I know you!

Thanks again, Rbbrdck_137

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