On the Verge of Tears

By Anna Rutenbeck
Williston Central School, Grade 8
Editor's note: The author wrote this about a dramatic reading of an award-winning high school play at her school.

"I was in, the classroom, the gym, the hallway, the bathroom"
That's how it started
We all figured that it would be just another play, just like so many others that we had heard already
But as they kept reading, any trace of a smile on our faces disappeared
As the readers continued we stared, white faces
When they were finished it was silent
Most of us were on the verge of tears, and the ones that weren't were just shocked
I was shaking, and my voice quivered, and my breathing was all screwed up
I'm not even going to try to explain to you this story
Because, it wouldn't work
Because there is no possible way you could even begin to understand unless you heard it
When I returned to Voyager and 3 people asked me if I was OK
I assume I was white, white or red
And I couldn't smile for 2 whole hours
I don't know why it hit me so hard, shook me up so bad
It's not like I can relate
No one can
It was one of those things that you really can't relate to because it's so horrible
Not that it was a horrible piece of writing; in fact it was probably the flat out best thing I've ever heard
It was just, unimaginable
It was really intense
I will tell you this
It was about a shooting, a shooting that happened in a school
That really didn't sound that much different from ours
One of the people was in the bathroom when it happened
And I went into the bathroom afterwards and was like "wow"
Because it hit me really hard
Mrs. Taylor's 5/6 social studies class will tell you
I practically lost it in front of them
I was just shocked, shaking, and on the verge of tears.
I am actually shaking now
Just thinking about it
Writing about it
Because it just goes to show you that something like that can move you and in a way change your life, or at least the way you look at things
And it makes you wonder how someone who has never experienced something so horrible, could write about it with such emotion
The end was this monologue about the funerals, and everyone was holding their breath because if we started breathing we’d start crying
I was like time stopped
It just stopped
But only for us
Because we were hearing it
And we didn't want Ava's brother dead
Or Wyatt shot
Or those other nine kids, we didn't want them gone either
By the end I fully believed it
I know it's not true
But after hearing it
It feels true
And you feel bad
For the people that died
And for the shooter
because during the funeral monologue, it talked about how Ava went to his funeral, and couldn't hate him
Because how can you hate someone who is loved by his mother?
And going back to Voyager, everyone was so happy, and all I was thinking was “how could you be happy!?”
I keep trying to tell myself it’s not real, because it’s not. But I can’t.
Up on that stage the story became reality