Home Thoughts

VI.
I never understood why people ignore themselves. it seems to me that you should make sure that you come first, and go from there. My mother was like that. She always put everyone else first, and pretty sure, we weren't sure who she was anymore. I found a journal entry she wrote once, lying on the floor between green upholstered seats of the Chevy van we had, rusty with a broken gas gauge that made it take forever to fill up. it was short. It said that she was unhappy. We had all known it and it didn't surprise us when we found out she was depressed. She was the only one that was really very surprised. She sits a lot. she naps in the sun. I think its good for her. She worries too much about the laundry and the shopping and cooking dinner and cleaning the bathroom and making sure I've got my two dollars to go off every morning. Shes tired. I can really tell when she wakes up at noon and makes a pot of tea and goes back to bed. I tell her not to worry, but what I really mean is go back to bed, you can't be a better mother than I am.

VII.
The people next door are always fighting, at least thats what my brother says anyway. We see them sometimes in the afternoons outside of their blue double-wide trailer, stretched across a brown lawn filled with anthills and pine needles from the trees they try to cut down every year. They're really not happy with each other this time. The man looks upset. The woman has been crying. He slams the front door. She's rather angry about this. She yells something at him. "FUCK YOU, YOU'VE NEVER MEANT ANYTHING TO THIS FAMILY." She's really quite angry. My brother asks me why that hate each other so much. I really don't know, and I tell him this. It's not really our business anyway.