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Prompt responses due Friday

14. Procrastination. If you had more time, you’d be able to put it off longer. What do you put off to the last moment? Why? Tell a story about how you just barely got something done in time – or didn’t.
Alternate: Splat! Use that word in a story or a poem.

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The Beach

ggevalt's picture
Submitted by ggevalt on May 2, 2008 - 14:16.

The Beach

By Hillary Laggis
Hazen Union High School, Grade 10

My impulses are the waves
Coming and going without warning.
I don’t try to be happy
It comes naturally.
Everything - the salty air, the sound, the sand -
Is natural.
Life and living is effortless.
I simply follow the sun, and move with the tides.
The freedom surrounds me
It’s the wind in my hair, the sand between my toes, and the sun that kisses my cheeks.
Never have I felt more content and at ease with my life.
I look to my right, and see his brown hair move slightly in the breeze.
His fingers slip gently between mine
And the sunset is reflected in his eyes.
It’s a rare occasion when the desire for life to be different leaves me entirely -
There is nothing I can think to change.
I breathe in -
A smile spreads slowly across my face
And I know it’s unlikely to leave until summer fades away and I am forced to depart the constant bliss I’ve grown accustomed to.
I wonder if it’s him I’ll be missing
The beach
Or the girl I become when I’m there.

Middlebury Mentor Comment

Submitted by JAC on May 4, 2008 - 19:08.

Hi Hillary,

I really enjoyed this piece. You start out with a strong image of your impulses as waves, and you do a good job of maintaining the connection between the yourself and the beach/ocean.

Most of the poem goes very smoothly. The one part that I think could flow a little better is "It's a rare occasion...think to change." Maybe you could just try reading it out loud and playing around with different words.

That's a picky comment, though. I love your ending sentence, especially the last line, because it made me think about myself, and the way I change depending on where I am. Leaving your reader with a thought-provoking line is a fantastic way to end your poem!

You have also made me want to hop in the car right now and go to the beach. Great job, and keep writing!

~Jessica

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