I'm scared of him but at the same time he seems like someone who would really understand me
His eyes were wide
and his shirt was long
and he flicked his hair
off his face.
He's funny, they said
and perverted
and he had the look of an
ex punk rocker
still wearing black
eyeliner.
His eyes were wide
and his hair was long
and shaggy
and he looked at me
and I stared at him
as I walked down the hall.
He looked at me
and I saw
my thoughts mirrored
on his
face.
- emotive.eleven's blog
- Login or register to post comments
Hey
Thats pretty cool, its something that pretty much all of us can relate to at some point or another
I liked this...
I put it out as a Daily Read because I thought it was descriptive, interesting, almost narrative. There was action in this. It could just as easily be prose, but works.
One thought: the word "perverted" is what we call a "loaded" word, meaning it carries more meaning than intended. Perverted is a very strong word and it carries with it images of child molesters and the like. So I wonder if you meant something different, something not quite as harsh. Because it does change the reader's whole perception of this boy.
gg
words....
No, this guy isn't a child molester as far as I know. I do mean something not as harsh, but I didn't really have a word that fit better. And I also think that pervert is one of those words that gets so misused that hardly anyone really knows what it means anymore. I don't even know what word would fit there. All the other ones I thought of were also as broad and didn't really work. And this guy isn't really Christopher Robin, either. But he's not a pervert.
-emotive.eleven