to love a villain

The girl is the most beautiful thing 
You have ever seen, oh she gleams like the knife that 
Your dai used to cut up the lambs on eid e ghorban with, would you 
Sacrifice yourself when she asked you to? 
You can remember your grandmother's voice telling you 
Stories older than you will ever be , but remember that the girl is no Abraham, 
And you are not her son, but sometimes you wonder 
How quickly she would agree to give you up for 
Something greater, something more like God,

Is it a crime? She asks you, 
And you don’t have the heart to tell her yes, 
If that is red on the floor then 
Everyday with her is Christmas, you start locking the door 
And checking it, just in case, tell me, 
Do you think she’d stop if you had told her yes

Is it not murder to love so deeply, to 
Kill our wants over and over again 
For the smile on someone else’s face?
The longer you spend with her the more you wonder
If you have been the villain all along. 

Is it not a crime to believe so deeply 
That your devotion turns into conditional sin? 
There is red on your hands again & for once 
You can’t explain it to yourself or to them, 
They look back at you with something akin to pity and
You look back at them with defiance in your eyes
Don’t you dare judge me. 
Not for this. 
Not for love. 


Your mother always told you, azizam, it is is not a gift
To care so much for everyone you come across
Your mouth is full of your own heart 
Chewed up and spit back into you.
Do you think it is too late to listen to her now?

The girl is transcendent and she is terrible and she tells you, 
Darling, we’re going to be on top of the world. 
You accept the champagne glass with the same smile 
There is something in her eyes that you’ve only seen in false prophets
And real gods and for a second you understand 
Why the angels in the scripture tell humans 
To be not afraid when they witness their true form, 

You link your arms together,
And your fingers rub over her red knuckles,
Like how your grandmother used to count 
Her rosary. 
You loved a villain. 
     You couldn’t make her good.
You loved a villain 
And the problem with that is 
    The hero always wins.

 

Nightheart

VT

18 years old

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