The Pearl-Pool
Going where it will,
Willing where it goes.
Quickly, loudly, gracef'lly flows, and
Where it's now I cannot say -
The gusting wind took my pearl away.
Growing and flowing -
With each the pool grows.
As dramatically, dynamically, into'it flows;
That pearl that the wind took away
For it rests now. Where? I cannot say.
Each part proves the whole, with
The whole truth made of parts -
Wholly, partly, but sep'rately starts
That wind that blew that pearl that way.
... I cannot say where it lies today.
The pearl is the pool,
But the pool's made of pearls
Which is which?
No man knows.
... The pearl-pool just swirls.
I'm posting this in two places. A few questions:
1. Is this a good idea?
2. Why or why not?
3. How is it?
Still sighing for TDI,
/gradster(1)/
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I really like this. What do
I really like this. What do you mean, it sounds "childish"? A child wouldn't think like this. :D
Also, about the two different places: Submitting it as a blog means it's there for reading and critique by people on this site. Submitting it as an entry means you're applying to have it published in the paper. And they only publish stuff in the paper in spring and fall, so this wouldn't get in until a few months from now.
Don't worry if that wasn't your intention; I did the EXACT same thing on my first post.
:)
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"It's either broken or it's French."
Grazie
Thanks, and glad I'm not the only one. I don't know if I'd like to be published either - confused, et cetera - so I guess I'll use the blag option.
/gradster(1)/
http://nmhwu.wordpress.com/
Way to go! I would reccomend
Way to go!
I would reccomend just posting this in your blog, as NonSequitur said.
I love the irregular rhyhming pattern, and the concept is very interesting.
One suggestion: reread this and think about the flow, and the logical progression of ideas. You may not find anything, but it could help.
The repetition suggests a pantoum- which is an awesome type of poetry.
:)SnowStars
Meh?
I don't think it's a pantoum, isn't that more specific?
I loved the rhyming pattern too - fun fun fun. I tried to make the first two lines of each verse not rhyme, but connect.
To be honest, I got the idea from Eragon. The chorus thing - not the rhyme scheme. It does seem to fit very well, especially (I think) because it differs each time.
What do you mean by logical progression of ideas?
/gradster(1)/
http://nmhwu.wordpress.com/
It starts out alluding to
It starts out alluding to the pearl/wind similarity, and then it blends outrightly. I really like that.
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"It's either broken or it's French."
Ne vi comprendas?
Is anyone getting what the pearl is? I didn't try to make them similar, I don't think...
/gradster(1)/
http://nmhwu.wordpress.com/
Um, I could guess, but
Um, I could guess, but probably incorrectly.
One suggestion- maybe you could change "it's" to "it is" in the second stanza.
It might sound better.
:)SnowStars
Is the pearl
Is the pearl the universe? (Or TDI?)
However, if I can't understand it, that's most likely the fault of my mental deficiencies after a week in a row of pretty much no sleep, not of your writing.
:D
___________________________________
"It's either broken or it's French."
Eye-Em?
Nope. Keep guessing.
By the way, why aren't you ever on AIM?
/gradster(1)/
http://nmhwu.wordpress.com/
My AIM connection is
My AIM connection is hopelessly slow.
I'll try to get on now, though.
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"It's either broken or it's French."
I didn't say it WAS a
I didn't say it WAS a pantoum- it just reminds me of one.
Never mind about logical progression. It's great.
:)SnowStars