We Sat There

We sat there, silently, with nothing to say as our minds frantically groped for a handhold of conversation. Sentences would start and end with nothing actually being said. We launched into random anecdotes about our lives in the hope that the other person would respond and take the burden of interaction away.

Her hands were too stiff on the wheel, her eyes too searching. She muttered distractedly at cars as they cut her off and turned, even going so far as to curse at one of the farm vehicles native to Vermont countryside.

Amidst our non-talking speaking, I realized that her mannerisms, her body, her obsessions, her life, could easily become mine. I too, could end up sitting in a white Toyota, hands in perfect Driver's Ed. clock formation, eyes focused on the road. I too, could spend my time at home, not using my license because I have no where to go, laughing over Indian food with my parents. I too, could end up being afraid to wear a bikini top and wearing capris when I swim. I too, could end up avoiding the kids I go to school with, hiding in safety and common sense instead of swimming downstream and not caring that the rocks are too slippery to grab onto.

I could end up there, in the car with another me, without any words to say to her. I could be the girl, not her perhaps, but I could be the girl who never leaves home, never becomes who she wants to, never takes the leap into the water because I might not leap far enough to clear the rocks.

Screw the rocks. Drowning isn't an option anymore.