Happiness

Those jeans shouldn't fit me.
I bought them
before I grew up and out
before I thought
of hotlines or The Used,
band aids or naivity.
They're jeans of another era,
where I was a size one
without
wanting it or wishing that I didn't
want it.
I'm not a size one.
I didn't fit into these jeans
in December,
I squeezed into them
and held my breath
and still hated my butt.
So they shouldn't fit me now.
But I'm happy they do?
I'm happy I lost sixteen pounds?
Am I happy knowing that
every one of those pounds
was not lost happily?
(No.)
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oh god EE... I didn't think
oh god EE... I didn't think you ever actually went through with it... I'm here, always.
_____________________________
"Yeah. Um...I had an adrenaline rush. It's very common. You can Google it."
-Edward Cullen (sigh)