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Two Doors Down

There was really nothing to be afraid of. Nothing was under her bed or in her closet, and a little sliver of light was coming from the door as always. The facts didn’t helping, even at six years old she was still afraid of the dark.

The sheets were over her head her ear to the pillow. It was so quiet that she could hear the blood pumping in her ears. It sounded like footsteps, she didn’t dare to move for fear of giving herself away to the nothing. The TV downstairs came to life, just loud enough for her to hear. She decided that it was a comedy, she could tell by the laughing. She was glad that it wasn’t sports, sports were too loud. Her mind drifted from fear to calm, knowing that daddy was downstairs. Within moments she was asleep.

Moments in which, had she stayed awake, she might have heard the television falling silent with a tinkle of glass. Or maybe she would have noticed the real footsteps stepping up each creaky stair with care. She could have seen the door opening.

But she was asleep… and bliss was her friend.

***

Sirens wailed and lights blinked through the dark of the windows of the teenage boy’s house. Rubbing his face with sleepy heaviness Kyle threw back the covers and walked across his messy room to the window. He was stepping on and over the piles of clothes that he had yet to wash.

Making a mental note to take care of it sometime this year Kyle pulled back the curtain. He saw ambulances and squad cars just a little ways down the street. He knew the house. He knew the folks who lived there, not very well, in any case. He just baby-sat for them sometimes.

It was a puzzle not meant for a groggy mind. Why would the cops be here? Nothing ever happened in this place, this was supposed to be a regular neighborhood. He walked away from the window yawning heavily, not really taking anything in. Though he knew something was going on, so he decided to have a word with the man on top… just as soon as he got into bed.

He was just getting to that when he stepped on something sharp. His breath caught in his throat as he bit back a curse, and all of a sudden he was very awake. He jerked up when he noticed the lights on his walls again, the prayer forming on his lips was forgotten. He threw himself back at the window and looked out. It was the sight of the cars, or maybe the now ominous feeling of the house that stood behind it. None of them had made him take a second look to make sure he saw what he thought he had, hoping he hadn’t.

No. He had, the three stretchers lying in the frond yard were real.

Excellent!

Mark,

I really enjoyed reading this story. It captivated me from the start, and changing the narrator added an interesting twist, almost like watching a TV show! The line "But she was asleep… and bliss was her friend." is excellent!

There are a few minor sentence structure errors. What I do is read the story outloud before I edit, that way I can hear and see how the sentences flow. (Example: "Though he knew something was going on, so he decided..." Just leaving out the "though" would make this sentence flow smoother.

The line "It was a puzzle not meant for a groggy mind." is brilliant and you have really captured that moment between waking and and actually being awake. Job well done!

Wendy
Castleton State College

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