A Lesson on Expressing Emotion Without Giving Anything Away

Let's say
it happens.
(Please don't, please don't...)
All my fault, but not my fault at all....
a lesson on taking the blame:
I didn't do anything; I did everything.
I miss/need/love/hate/care
If it doesn't:
[Please, please!]
whatever horrible, disgusting, inhuman part of me that wanted,
for the drama,
for the emotions,
for whatever horrible reasons my frazzled brain could possibly present me with...
maybe that tiny brain cell
would feel sad.
That
life is good.
Literally.
No one knows why
No one knows how
and I know least of all.
[Please, please, he didn't do anything. Please.]
Selfishly, I'd be lonely
at NEs.
Selfishly.
Selfishly, I'd be angry
for his choices
and beliefs
and policies.
and maybe a little less selfishly,
I'd be mad that it was never
me.
Selfishly,
I sit here
and feel underprivileged
because I'm not up there with them
on faith. love. healing. family. values.
Please. Please. Please.
I loved/love/will love...
too many emotions
to fit in an eggcup
when an eggcup is all I have.
Please.
Someone.
Please.
Don't...
die.
[koehbsbyay]

