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Screaming Silent part 1.

Im strolling dizzly along through my perception of life, wishing it were clearer. Making it what i can i open my chapped lips, nothing comes out, simple explanation thats my point, i have everything to say but no words to explain. It's been this way since last fall, when i watched the tree's die the memory of flowers fade, no colors seemed bright everything was disastisfying. I had sunk into what some people would call a depression, but honsetly i'm the happiest here, knowin that at any time i could die and not be able to scream. For me that makes a bigger impact then a loud demise, noise pollution in my opinion, not that i plan on dying any time soon. Being mute by choice is the loudest thing i've ever done, knowing people want to know whats in my head but not lettign them in, doctors therapist let them do there tests, im not talking about what i did. Everybodies somewhere they shouldn't be, shouldn't see what they saw or say what they said, but for me i did what i should't have done, i know it was wrong but i've forgivin myself, why can no one else? It was one party one drink killing off what no one would, living life not thinking about concequences, isn't that what we all want? Well im here livign a life of 'depression' im a poor troubled child who didn't know what they were doing, i must me insane it's a disease not a choice, right thats how it goes?Thats not the only thing these handcuffs say look deeper read the story its not as simple as it looks.

i could use sum help on this...A LOT OF HELP

"happiness shines in a cirle of ponies"..words to live by!

qwertygirl890123's picture

Okay, here we go. Overall,

Okay, here we go.
Overall, you did a really good job and I like this a lot. Just a few minor (very minor) things

"simple explanation thats my point"
to
"simple explanations, thats my point"
maybe?

"tree's die the memory of flowers fade"
to
"tree's die, the memory of flowers fade"
(I'm sorry, I'm picky about my commas)

Also, you might want to run this through spell check. Or actually, here, I'll do it for you:
I’m strolling dizzily along through my perception of life, wishing it were clearer. Making it what I can I open my chapped lips, nothing comes out, simple explanation that’s my point, I have everything to say but no words to explain. It's been this way since last fall, when I watched the tree's die the memory of flowers fade, no colors seemed bright everything was dissatisfying. I had sunk into what some people would call a depression, but honestly I’m the happiest here, knowing that at any time I could die and not be able to scream. For me that makes a bigger impact then a loud demise, noise pollution in my opinion, not that I plan on dying any time soon. Being mute by choice is the loudest thing I’ve ever done, knowing people want to know what’s in my head but not letting them in, doctors therapist let them do there tests, I’m not talking about what I did. Everybody’s somewhere they shouldn't be, shouldn't see what they saw or say what they said, but for me I did what I shouldn’t have done, I know it was wrong but I’ve forgiving myself, why can no one else? It was one party one drink killing off what no one would, living life not thinking about consequences, isn't that what we all want? Well I’m here living a life of 'depression' I’m a poor troubled child who didn't know what they were doing, I must me insane it's a disease not a choice, right that’s how it goes? That’s not the only thing these handcuffs say look deeper read the story it’s not as simple as it looks.
__________

I actually really like this a lot, and content wise don't know what you could change.
_____________________________
"When you live for the fight, for the blood, the relationships you form are tenuous and easily broken."
-Jasper Hale (who I like more than Edward...)

THANK YOU I APPRECIATE IT - im bad wit grammer

"happiness shines in a cirle of ponies"..words to live by!

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