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I'm Sorry

Submitted by durrciepurrcie on September 3, 2008 - 20:46.

I'm Sorry

By D'Arcy Morrie
Lebanon High School, Grade 12

i'm sorry
the two words we don't want to hear when we lose a friend
knowing we won't hear their voice again
the next time we will see their face is in a casket
painted and looking plastic

i'm sorry
that's what the doctor said
when i looked down to see the white sheet pulled over his head
with his body lying still on the bed

i'm sorry
i never want to hear this about you
live so that one day i can say i do.

CSC Mentor Comment

Submitted by kmbrlyns on September 7, 2008 - 16:10.

Hi D'Arcy,

I really enjoyed this poem. You took on the very difficult subject of death and made it hopeful in the end. I'm assuming that the "i do" in the final line is alluding to marriage, and I'm taking the rest of the poem as a warning to your significant other to not die. This makes me feel hopeful of the love and honesty existing in your relationship.

Mostly, I enjoyed the structure of the poem. Each stanza gets progressively smaller as you work towards your main point. This structure draws emphasis on your final stanza and final line, specifically. The smaller stanza draws the reader's eye towards the end more than a more standard structure would.

One thing to think about is your pronoun agreement in the first stanza. You speak of "a friend" in the 2nd line, but in the 3rd and 4th line you use the pronoun "their." Instead, you would want to use "his" or "her." I recommend using "his" because you use that pronoun in the second stanza. Another option would be to turn the "a friend" to "friends." Overall, though, I think you did a great job!

Kim Lyons
Castleton State College

I enjoyed this poem. I too

Submitted by Kristin Monger on September 14, 2008 - 13:05.

I enjoyed this poem. I too got that the "I do" was about marriage. I have lost a few friends before and it is not fun. Sorry really doesn't help no matter how many times you hear it. I couldn't imagine losing my boyfriend. I enjoyed the descriptiveness of someone lying in a casket.

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