Douchicus: A Dialogue

(I'm sure you all have this experience. School hits you, your writing ideas evaporate, and if they don't your time to bring them to life does. This has happened to me. Thus, I am reduced to putting my school assignments up for comments. This is one such school assignment. We had to write a Socratic dialogue for Ancient Cultures. I realize the references to WWII European dictators is not something the Ancient Greeks had at their disposal, but my teacher said it was ok for me to use modern references. I've detained you long enough, here it is:)

Soc: Douchicus! Fancy seeing you out and about so early in the morning. Just what are you up to at this earliest of hours.

Dou: Why, Socrates, I am on a mission to save the good people of this city from being cast into the lake of fire.

Soc: And just why would our citizens be so unfortunate as to suffer this rather unpleasant event?

Dou: Because, noble Socrates, they are evil people and will be punished by God for that.

Soc: And now, pray tell me, Douchicus, how are you going about saving these evil people?

Dou: Why, I am telling them that the sole way to Heaven is through asking forgiveness from God.

Soc: Is this gleaning forgiveness from God a regular event?

Dou: I do not understand your meaning.

Soc: That is to say, do many people who ask for forgiveness granted their request?

Dou: Oh, in fact every single one of them that asks for forgiveness in the right way, will receive it. Should I relate to you the method of asking for foregiveness?

Soc: How I wish I could, dearest Douchicus, but I am too pressed for time to go into that at the moment. Another time perhaps?

Dou: Another time.

Soc: Should not you be appalled if our judicial system were to function a fashion in which all who asked to be aquited of their crimes were granted their request?

Dou: Indeed I would, Socrates.

Soc: Why would you be so appalled if our courts were to work in that way?

Dou: Why, our judicial system, and thus society, could only function if criminals were locked away for a time in accordance with their crime.

Soc: Tell me more of this lake of fire. What exactly is it?

Dou: Why, it is exactly what you might imagine a lake of fire to be: it is a lake comprised completely of fire.

Soc: And you said that evildoers who do not ask for forgiveness pertaining to their evil acts, they are cast into this Lake of Fire?

Dou: I did indeed say that.

Soc: Douchicus, would you not be appalled if our government were to employ torture techniques such as stabbing, burning and humiliation as a punishment for criminals?

Dou: I say, Socrates, of course I would.

Soc: I have another question. Who decides which people are cast into the lake of fire and who is not?

Dou: God himself is the sole arbitrator of the aforementioned consequence.

Soc: And, Dear douchicus, who decides what is right and what is wrong?

Dou: Socrates, it is God who decides what is right and wrong.

Soc: Would you not be appalled if our sate’s laws were both created and enforced by a single individual?

Dou: I would certainly be appalled if such a thing were true!

Soc: Why would you be appalled, dearest Douchicus?

Dou: I think that my opinions can best be expressed through historical example. Let us take a look at Nazi Germany. When the entirety of a state’s power is in the hands of a single individual, or even a very small group of individuals, then, as history teaches us, corruption is sure to follow. In both Nazi Germany and Stalinist Russia, hundreds of thousands died because the power was too concentrated. Justice came at the expense of personal gain for the powerful.

Soc: Douchicus, please forgive me for backtracking slightly, but I am burning to know the answer, do you believe, in your heart, that God is just in his actions?

Dou: I do. In fact, I would go so far as to say that God is the true source of all that is good.

Soc: You would?

Dou: I would.

Soc: If you believe that God is the one true source of all good, then you must believe that we would be incapable of goodness if it were not for God.

Dou: I do indeed believe that.

Soc: So then God is the only reason that we are Good? If it were not for God we would be raping, pillaging, cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling, child-molesting, thieving, murdering, bed-wetting bastards?

Dou: That is so.
Soc: Does God think that murder is wrong?

Dou: He does.

Soc: And thus it is wrong to murder?

Dou: It is.

Soc: And without God, there would be no reason not to murder?

Dou: Precisely.

Soc: Do you believe that humans are in possession of free will?

Dou: I do.

Soc: Are we deserving of this free will?

Dou: I think so, yes.

Soc: But from your depiction of humanity beforehand seemed not to be one deserving of anything. You seem to see humans as so immoral that is literally impossible for them to accomplish anything not evil without a lawmaker peering over their shoulder non-stop. In fact, I will go so far as to say that your God is in fact an extremely immoral being, for when I asked you questions about God’s status and then used parallels replacing God with the state, your natural instincts told you that the exact station God has imposed upon himself is a, easily corrupted one. God is the sole lawmaker and enforcer of those laws, he employs torture methods and forgives evil people for their crimes on a whim, all of which are attributes in a ruler you found deplorable. I don’t see how you could possibly claim that God is the sole source of morality, when it seems that your natural moral sense points quite the opposite way. I believe you have place your faith in an unfair, cruel and corrupt ruler with absolutely no trust in the human mind. I also believe that you have followed suit and completely lost faith in all that makes us human.

Dou: You will be cast into the lake of fire.