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Campfire

Submitted by RoseLight627 on October 10, 2008 - 10:52.

Orange flames grow taller as the twigs are thrown on. The flames lick the air around them like arms grabbing at the sky. I look around and see a campfire surrounded by my family and green grass and dark trees and happy dogs and the starry sky. Sticks with white puffy delights on the end of them go to the edge of the fire. Mmm, how I love roasting marshmallows by a campfire. I patiently hold a marshmallow in the fire while my dog Pepper sits by me loyally and waits for a sticky treat. Are we camping? No, the house is just beyond the light of the fire, yet it seems we are in the middle of nowhere, absorbing the heat from the magical yellow-orange source. The sound of crickets, murmurs of people, and the cracks of the fire surround me. Enjoying this night I am in complete peace. I don’t want to leave; I don’t want it to end. But the flames will calm, and then there will be only embers.

CSC Mentor Feedback

Submitted by kmbrlyns on October 13, 2008 - 19:33.

Hi Cassandra,

The first thing that struck me about this piece was the ending. "I don’t want to leave; I don’t want it to end. But the flames will calm, and then there will be only embers." It not only shows that the fire will die down, but that life will continue long after the fire. I think we all have moments in our lives that we want to freeze and keep forever. You've captured one of these moments. By showing that the flames will die leaving only embers, you are showing that time will continue as well leaving only memories. (At least that was what I took from it.) I really like that image! Your descriptions are great too. Marshmallows are referred to as "white puffy delights" and flames are referred to as "arms grabbing at the sky." Those descriptions really create a picture.

My only recommendation is a small and slight one. When you say "while my dog Pepper sits by me loyally," it is common practice to set the dog's name apart with commas because it is additional information that isn't essential to the sentence. It would be: "while my dog, Pepper, sits by me loyally." Overall, though, I really enjoyed this short piece. Excellent job!

Kim Lyons
Castleton State College

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