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Prompt responses due Friday

14. Procrastination. If you had more time, you’d be able to put it off longer. What do you put off to the last moment? Why? Tell a story about how you just barely got something done in time – or didn’t.
Alternate: Splat! Use that word in a story or a poem.

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VOTE

Submitted by dani terrill on October 21, 2008 - 20:39.

Vote

By Danielle Terrill
Champlain Valley Union High School, Grade 10

You don't vote?
Why live in America?
Choice, gonna give up your right to choose?
Why not just be mute?
Your gonna silence yourself?
No voice, no choice, then what do you have?
Doesn't make any sense, huh?
It's your right
Your duty
Part of fulfilling your American dream
Walk into that room this November
Step into that striped booth
Check the boxes
and be heard

Mentor Feedback

Submitted by wendyw26 on October 22, 2008 - 21:53.

hi Dani,

I actually like how the first part of this piece is written as questions, but I am extremely impressed with the second part. When comparing the two sections, for me as a reader they don't seem to fit together. The questions section has a negative feel to it while the second section is uplifting and gives the reader a sense of pride.

I wonder if there is a way to keep it as questions (I really like the concept) but find a way so the two sections fit together better. One suggestion: see if you can make a question that the second part answers. This is really hard to try to explain in writing but something like this Line 1 asks a question, Line 8 answers; Line 2 asks a question, line 9 answers; line 3 asks a question, line 10 answers.

"Why don't you vote?" (the corresponding line 8 answers "it's your right")
"new question?" (the answer is line 9 "your duty") Remember this is only a suggestion intended to assist you and as a writer you have the freedom to take what suggestions you think fit with your style and the freedom to ignore the rest!

I LOVE the last section (lines 8-14). This part flows smoothly, feels mature, encouraging, positive and patriotic. Overall I really enjoyed reading this. I am making suggestions about the first part only because the second part is so well written, and I felt such a swelling of pride as I read it. Great writing!

Wendy
Castleton State College

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