After Seeing You Last Week

I don't want you to be lonely.

Your cheeks were puffy and swollen, and your eyes watery, void orbs.
You saw right past me for the first time.

Do you remember when we decided to run away together?
We packed extra socks, a blanket, Ritz crackers and apple juice into a duffel bag and headed down across the alfalfa field behind our house. The afternoon sun beat down on us as we slowly plodded towards the woods, the world...towards everything we thought we wanted.

But something called us back home .
Maybe it was physical hunger, or the feeling of alienation among the deafening silence of the open field, or maybe it was fear.

I grew up after that point believing that we would always come back to where we grew up, if only to feel warm and safe again.
I was wrong.

We sat side by side that last night you were home and talked about addictions, me to my ideas and you to anything that will loosen you up. You said it helps you forget all your problems, and for moments on end, I did not doubt you. You see, everything you said can blind even me . And as I held your hand, I held my tongue, because I want to believe that as long as we agree, you will keep coming back to me.

I love you,
even though you walk away.