An Automatic Peace Machine
An Automatic Peace Machine
By Abigail Rampone
Castleton Village School, Grade 8
We always think of the items we need
To satisfy our constant greed
We're always wanting more and more
Always rushing to the store
To buy the coolest this or that
The latest phone, the hottest hat
But what we need that no one's seen
Is an automatic peace machine
Type in your problems- they go away!
Guaranteed for a year and a day
No more warfare, no more strife
Want to live a perfect life?
Then leave the house at the crack of dawn
To purchase one before they're gone
A better thing you've never seen
Than the automatic peace machine
It's only $17.63!
The cheapest deal you'll ever see
The world will thank you, don't ya know
'Cause though we have searched high and low
There's no solution, not yet, anyway
To the problems in the world today
We need one, so please, head to the mall
Buy the peace machine, and save us all
We need this fantastic peace machine
The best idea we've ever seen
But actually, you don't need to buy
This awesome gadget- I'll tell you why
'Cause in your heart and soul and mind
Is the coolest machine you'll ever find
You just gotta put it into gear
I'll tell you how, so listen here
Turn the knob of understanding
Let your heart and mind and breath sing
Be kind, be strong, be fair, be true
Be friendly, be loving, be sweet, be you
Engage the gears, it's not too late
To save us all from war and hate
Choose, invent, discover, try
There's a reason, I think you know why
We need this peace, so let it grow
I ask you, please, to let it show
That in you and me and us, unseen
Lies a perfect, running, peace machine
CSC Mentor Feedback
Hi Abigail,
I think you chose a really interesting topic for you poem. In the world today, it seems like people are always looking for a quick way to fix problems. I enjoyed how your poem started with the "quick fix" by creating a peace machine. By the end of the poem, however, you pointed to the idea that peace can be found if people look within themselves. I like your point! You did a great job of utilizing rhyme, and your lines really seems to flow together nicely.
My only recommendation is to look at the beginning of your final stanza:
Turn the knob of understanding
Let your heart and mind and breath sing
I really like the imagery you are creating - a "knob of understanding" is a really neat visually, although, I don't feel like these lines really flow together nicely. The first line is great, but the second line seems to have too many beats in it, and the rhyme isn't the same sort of strong rhyme you've utilized throughout the rest of the poem.
Overall, though, I think you did a great job of capturing an idea and providing a powerful message.
Kim Lyons
Castleton State College
This is a very interesting
This is a very interesting piece. One thing I liked about it was that it seemed like a commercial today, but was sort of about something in the future. I also liked the way it flowed and the rhyme scheme. I absolutely loved it. *smiles*
~Drummergirl
"If they give you ruled paper, write the other way." (Juan Ramon Jimenez)