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Prompt responses due Friday

14. Procrastination. If you had more time, you’d be able to put it off longer. What do you put off to the last moment? Why? Tell a story about how you just barely got something done in time – or didn’t.
Alternate: Splat! Use that word in a story or a poem.

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Broken Promises

drummergirl's picture
Submitted by drummergirl on October 23, 2008 - 20:18.

While the wind turns pages of rain
she sits by the fire in a cozy nook
reading someone else's sorrow and pain
turning pages of a luring book
feeling agony of the slain,
but somehow detached
taking a faraway look
separated by a pane
made not of glass,
but promises mistook

RE: Broken Promises

Submitted by PRouquayrol on October 28, 2008 - 22:42.

I very much enjoyed reading your poem. You incorporated an interesting rhyme scheme, and I liked how you used the words "pain" and "pane." You may want to go back and check your poem to see if there are other places that need a comma. Good job.

Priscilla

drummergirl's picture

hmmm

Submitted by drummergirl on October 30, 2008 - 19:56.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. In terms of punctuation, I'm torn over whether or not I should put it after what might be a sentence. I mean, putting too many commas in a poem is not good, and I hate putting periods in, so....
~Drummergirl

"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."

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