The Term "Friends"
The Term "Friends"
By Ariel Engel
Essex High School, Grade 11
There are those days
When I want to quit school,
Quit your class;
There are those days
When I want to scream at you,
"I'm trying my hardest";
There are those days
When you don't seem to believe me,
You think I have more to say;
And then there are days
When you're the only one who can help,
Since you've been through it all before.
You say we're not "friends"
I understand why you say that
"Friends" call each other to gossip,
"Friends" have sleepovers,
"Friends" meet each other at the movies,
So in those terms-
No.
We're not "friends"
But friends also listen,
Friends are there for you,
Friends give you their advice,
Friends will let you speak your mind,
Friends share music and books,
Friends have "deep" conversations,
Friends don't give up on you!
And you've done those things for me
CSC Mentor Feedback
Hi Ariel,
You have done a really neat job of structuring this poem. From the repetitive phrase at the beginning, "There are those days," to the two concluding sections of "friends" and friends, I think you have done well. The poem moves easily from one section to the next, and you don't move on too quickly either. I also think you have picked an interesting topic. It is difficult to term the relationship between a student and teacher as "friendship," but in this poem you have pointed out that it really is a friendship. Unfortunately, rules and society tell us that it can't be a true friendship.
My only recommendation is to consider using more line-ending punctuation. It can really help to stress lines that flow into the next line or lines that are meant to be separate. I feel a period after "No" would add even more emphasis to that line and commas after each of the lines about real friends would further clarify the fact that it is a list of attributes related to a real friendship.
Overall, though, I think this poem is quite good. Nice work!
Kim Lyons
Castleton State College