Get the Anthology!

YWP has just published an Anthology with great student work. Support them and YWP! To order a copy, send $17.50 (includes postage) to: YWP / 69 Swift St., #300 / S. Burlington, VT 05403 Order form/invoice, CLICK HERE. Questions? 860-0570 --gg
Videos, sound and info on Anthology Release Celebration.

Prompt responses due Friday

14. Procrastination. If you had more time, you’d be able to put it off longer. What do you put off to the last moment? Why? Tell a story about how you just barely got something done in time – or didn’t.
Alternate: Splat! Use that word in a story or a poem.

Click here for more info about submitting to our weekly Newspaper Series.

On the Table

Submitted by jwg on November 21, 2008 - 16:08.

On the Table

By Kellen Hopwood
Red Cedar School, Grade 7

Mountains of mashed potatoes
Gallons of gravy
Biscuits of biblical proportion
Profound pumpkin pie
Countless kernels of corn
Stuffing so scrumptious it sings
Peas preferable to anything on the table
In my belly

CSC Mentor Feedback

Submitted by kmbrlyns on November 22, 2008 - 15:00.

Hi Kellen,

I like your poem because Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. Even in such a short poem, you manage to capture the images and feeling of such a great holiday. I especially enjoyed the line "biscuits of biblical proportion." It made me laugh out loud because my own Thanksgiving dinner always includes massive rolls that seem too good to be true.
My only recommendation is to look at the ending. As a reader, I'm really left wanting more. You provide short, but powerful descriptions of the food throughout the poem, but then you just end with "in my belly." The contrast is nice, but it is slightly jarring because you have not prepared me for the poem to end. Perhaps more lines would help? Or, using punctuation could be useful as well. If you ended each of the lines with a comma and ended the final line with a period, this could make the ending seem more final. It would also add to the idea of the poem being a list of all of the wonderful Thanksgiving food. Overall, I think you did a good job!

Kim Lyons
Castleton State College

Mentors

To read feedback YWP college mentors' comments on entries to the Newspaper Series, click on names below. To read all entries that have feedback, click here. You must be logged in.
To read about mentors, click here.