No Ones
Submitted by JamesRyan on November 22, 2008 - 11:26.
Upon us you look
And see our reflection
Wither and Waver
We sneak and We steal
Blacks and grays hang
On high and on low
Birds that fly in one direction
Pay no heed to our selves
The No Ones there,
Staring from the right
The howlers howling in the night
Fog rolls and shoe souls
Laughing from the left
Hell dogs and warthogs
Screaming and squealing
When the halls bend and the walls melt
And when we come to find you
You’ll know then
And forever again
To always check behind you
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Oh i love this- and the
Oh i love this- and the rhyming is great- and the rhythmn is wonderful!
Are you coming to the workshops today (this is really great)!
You should do a podcast of this piece- i'd like to hear it aloud.
haha, i would but i dont
haha, i would but i dont know how to do a podcast, and i'm new so i dont know about the workshops
oh- ywp had a workshop
oh- ywp had a workshop today- it was really fun- if we have another you should come, you'd be a great addition to the random mass of teenagers that had accumulated in that smallish conference room.... :)
Shoe SOULS? or shoe
Shoe SOULS? or shoe SOLES?
~Drummergirl
"If they give you ruled paper, write the other way." (Juan Ramon Jimenez)
well it's a play on words.
well it's a play on words. it's supposed to say souls
Yeah, it would make an
Yeah, it would make an awesome podcast. You should try it out, I bet it would be great. The beat is crazy, love it. The randomness of the words are really cool too.
*applause*
...............
~miss lit~
ohhh, okay, I get it now. I
ohhh, okay, I get it now. I do love this though, same with most of your work. It has an intriguing mysterious quality to it.
~Drummergirl
"If they give you ruled paper, write the other way." (Juan Ramon Jimenez)
well thank you
well thank you
your use of words makes me remember my love of words
Your poem, No Ones, is cryptic, to me. But your use of words, makes my soul sing and my mind...expand...knowing the possibilities of what each of us can build using words. WoW. Thank you for writing this and sharing it. "Wither and waver - We sneak and we steal". Great visual. And I love knowing, my visual of your words is most likely different from anyone else's. Kudos. Keep writing.
No One's
I appreciate your poem for what it represents but there are points in the poem that feel as if they don't go together. The part "Birds that fly in one direction
Pay no heed to our selves" doesn't match the poem. Or could find another word, instead of heed, to go into the piece of writing. Your piece though is deep and you can tell that you are putting a lot of effort toward your piece of writing. Keep it up and maybe add a little more to the poem to give it more effect, but your piece of writing is good.
i put that part in for a
i put that part in for a reason. it's to establish imagery, and to give the landscape and whatever is happening an alienated feel.