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Prompt responses due Friday

14. Procrastination. If you had more time, you’d be able to put it off longer. What do you put off to the last moment? Why? Tell a story about how you just barely got something done in time – or didn’t.
Alternate: Splat! Use that word in a story or a poem.

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Whispers

Submitted by vtsmith on November 24, 2008 - 08:46.

Whispers
What’s this on my head?
It’s the weight of the world,
My world.
Whispers so old,
So unspoken, never told,
I can’t speak,
Because I am so weak,
With the weight of the world on my head.

Now it is on my shoulders,
I can hardly breathe,
I can’t speak,
But I must.
It hurts to, but I must.

I opened my mouth,
And spoke the words,
Of the whispers that grew old,
And were never told,
And the weight was lifted.

Now I am free,
Free to be,
Me.

CSC Mentor Feedback

Submitted by kmbrlyns on November 30, 2008 - 18:06.

Hi Kaylee,

This poem really caught my attention with its title and opening word, "whispers." It immediately made me wonder what sort of secrets your speaker would be keeping or hiding from. I think you effectively created an image by talking about how the secrets put the "weight of the world" on the speaker's head and shoulders. My favorite aspect of the poem, however, is the ending. The simplicity and straightforwardness of your last three lines works really well. The words are nice, and the structure of longer line to shorter line draws the eye towards a conclusion as well. Good job!
My only concern is that parts of the poem get a little wordy and repetetive. I like the simplicity of the ending so much that I would like to see more of that throughout the beginning portion of the poem.

Kim Lyons
Castleton State College

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