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Prompt responses due Friday

14. Procrastination. If you had more time, you’d be able to put it off longer. What do you put off to the last moment? Why? Tell a story about how you just barely got something done in time – or didn’t.
Alternate: Splat! Use that word in a story or a poem.

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Never

qwertygirl's picture
Submitted by qwertygirl on December 1, 2008 - 16:43.

Never

By Anna Rutenbeck
Champlain Valley Union High School, Grade 9

I hate
that you
won't tell me who you are

that you'll
breathe whispers in my ear
stroke my hand
with your beat up finger tips
then
take it all back
swallow it up
make it so it never happened
make it so
you never loved me
never kissed me
never held me

I hate
that you
won't tell me who you are

I'm trying to figure it out
desperately
but every time I catch the answer
it flies away

just
like
you.

Never...

Submitted by LizR on December 1, 2008 - 16:55.

Anna,

There was definitely something about your poem that pulled me in. There is an interesting rhythm to your poem, but it flows very well. I also enjoyed the imagery in the first half of your poem. I feel as though the first half of your poem is the strongest possibly because of the imagery but as the poem breaks into the "love you." portion I feel like it doesn't hold the same strength as the beginning. This is just my personal opinion but I think the poem would be more powerful leaving out a couple of the "love you" lines.

Liz R.
Castleton State College

qwertygirl's picture

Maybe cutting ALL of those

Submitted by qwertygirl on December 1, 2008 - 19:14.

Maybe cutting ALL of those lines? They definitely weren't my favorite part of the poem...
_____________________________
"Its moving me along and Anna begins to fade away"
-Anna Begins (Counting Crows)

ASAP: Affluent Students Aspiring for Perspicacity

Qwertygirl

Submitted by LeeMcIsaac on December 11, 2008 - 16:54.

I think you could cut those lines. I agree that the first half of the poem is stronger. I like the images - especially the beat-up fingertips and the "swallow it all up " - in the first half. "Just like you" works just fine as an ending.

qwertygirl's picture

Thank you very

Submitted by qwertygirl on December 11, 2008 - 17:21.

Thank you very much!
_____________________________
"Its moving me along and Anna begins to fade away"
-Anna Begins (Counting Crows)

ASAP: Affluent Students Aspiring for Perspicacity

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