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Prompt responses due Friday

14. Procrastination. If you had more time, you’d be able to put it off longer. What do you put off to the last moment? Why? Tell a story about how you just barely got something done in time – or didn’t.
Alternate: Splat! Use that word in a story or a poem.

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THEY Don't Listen To YOUR Little Remarks

Karsenw8's picture

wayyy rough edges, just remember this is going on to be the 4th month of writers block ='[

YOU assume HE is out to get YOU
Or frankly, trying to get HER
You assume that THEY will break up.
Because SHE is desperate for affection
THEY have plenty of love between them.
And SHE doesn’t want HIM
YOU think YOU'RE over HIM
and think HE and SHE will go out.
now as SHE can see YOU give HER little trust.
HE is HER best friend so
YOU shouldn’t get all defensive
And hurt HER feelings
By saying YOU have little faith in
THEM and THEIR abilities to make it through hardships.
[which is more than can be said for YOU and HIM]

Anonymous's picture

The idea of this is rather

Submitted by Anonymous on December 3, 2008 - 21:55.

The idea of this is rather funny, actually.
I'd like to see the caps in italics (done by inserting < i > before ((without spaces)) and < / i > after ((again without the spaces)))
however... you lose me a little at
"Because in case YOU care
SHE loves YOU much too much
To crush everything for HIM
YOU say YOU wouldn’t care."
Mostly because of the care bit... I don't know, maybe try reworking it a bit?

"I believe in this meaningless, beautiful chaos of existence, and I am ready to go with it wherever it leads."

-Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

Karsenw8's picture

is this?

Submitted by Karsenw8 on December 3, 2008 - 22:09.

Better?

Anonymous's picture

Better! Now try no caps at

Submitted by Anonymous on December 3, 2008 - 22:12.

Better!
Now try no caps at all...
if that's ok... and unless she and he are not they, replace the "she and he" with they.

Wonderful improvement!

"I believe in this meaningless, beautiful chaos of existence, and I am ready to go with it wherever it leads."

-Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

PerfectTense's picture

this is very nice

Submitted by PerfectTense on December 4, 2008 - 08:44.

i really like how you emphasize the pronouns. it reminds me of people gossiping. everyone is so caught up with out side stuff. awesome work!

Karsenw8's picture

<3

Submitted by Karsenw8 on December 9, 2008 - 14:04.

Thank you both sooo much. And I am working on some new ways to word this and make it a little more, gossip-y.

Thanks a bunch!

civilized's picture

And we have talked about

Submitted by civilized on December 9, 2008 - 14:08.

And we have talked about this, so there need be no new issues regarding this, correct?
*Civ*

Karsenw8's picture

i dont know what you're

Submitted by Karsenw8 on December 10, 2008 - 21:48.

i dont know what you're talking about.

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