Week 24 : Diary entries- Scott
The Diary of Rayanna Blank
By Miranda Scott
Main Street Middle School, Grade 8
TUESDAY
Hate. That's all they've shown me since the day I got here. I didn't do anything wrong. I haven't hurt them, said anything mean to or about them, heck, I haven't even said two words to them. I must have done something. Something terrible. Something awful. To have them say those angry words. To have them cast those nasty glances. To have them hit me like they do. But, what have I done?
WEDNESDAY
Today my teacher was teaching us about addition. She asked the class what six plus two was. I knew the answer, so I raised my hand. I was so proud, I was the first one to raise my hand. My teacher spotted me and opened her mouth, only to say "Jodie?". Jodie is this pale girl who sits behind me in class, she's quiet and nice but she's not very smart. She didn't have her hand raised, so, why didn't my teacher call on me. I asked Mama why the kids and teachers were so mean to me. She said, "Honey, they just can't stand how beautiful you are." That made me smile. They must be jealous, I thought. That just has to be the reason.
THURSDAY
Today, when Kelly (who was three grades ahead of me) called me a bad name, I smiled and said "You don't have to be jealous. You're pretty too." She froze for a moment, then she laughed at me. "Jealous? Why would I, or ANYONE be jealous of you? You're dirty! You're black!" The last two words floated in my head. So that's why they hated me so much? Because my skin was a different color? I was just the same as them! How could they be so stupid and snobby to only look at skin color? I went home crying. I told Mama and she said it was only a matter of time before someone said something. Then, she took me to the church. I thought we were going to pray for better days, but instead there was a mass going on. I was confused, it wasn't Sunday, and the man preaching wasn't Father Glenn. Mama said that that man's name was Mr. Martin Luther King, and he was going to save us.
FRIDAY
I heard some teachers talking about Mr. King. They said he was stupid to think that he was going to change things, that they would never sink so low as to walk among "the blacks". This made me sad. Mr. King had said, last night, not to get mad at people for talking about us the way they do. Acting mean toward us the way they do. He said we should feel sorry for them. Sorry that they didn't know enough about us, so they were scared of us, and that's the way they acted. I'd never thought that. How could such big adults, be afraid of such a small, little girl? It became clear when the principal called me to her office and said I had to leave the school. It was "not right" to have me here. I didn't belong. I took everything she said with a grain of salt. I just watched her eyes. They were deep blue. Deep blue and scared. I could see the fear, she was scared of my reaction. She thought I was going to lunge out at her. But, I just sat there with a smile on my face.
MONDAY
Over the weekend, Mama enrolled me into an all black school. She said it was better for me anyway to be with kids who understand me. There is so many more people in my class than at my old school. At my old school, the fourth and third graders had to mix, but here, the third graders get their own teacher and their own room. It's real nice, and so is everyone there. My teacher, Ms. Kaep, sets a special time aside each day for us to talk about what's going on with the blacks and the whites. She tells us how people are trying to help us, and how we can help. She's showed us videos and all sorts of books on the subject. My new friend, Kamira (she's in 5th grade) told me that they watched a scary movie about what's REALLY going on. But, I think that that movie will only make me stronger. Because I will know how much some people are scared of us, and what they are willing to do to try and break us. But, I know, in my heart, that they never will. I know, they can't because we will just take the blows with a smile and soon they will just get tired and find it silly to fight with us. One day, I believe, we will all laugh together about how silly they were and how they were sorry they ever did that. I hope, that day is just on the horizon.
