Running in Rain
No one ever told me,
What rain feels like,
When it hits your face,
Or how it tastes.
Now I know why,
Because it is impossible,
To use human words,
To describe it.
I had to find out,
For myself,
Just what it,
Was like.
That's what I did,
And I can't explain,
To make it truly count,
But I can try.
The wind blows it,
Into your face,
Sometimes it's hard to see,
Not that you need to.
The drops seem to guide,
You where ever you,
Want to go,
Choose to go.
Fresh leaves fall,
Soaking wet from,
Their former post,
Upon a branch.
You run around,
In every shape,
That is possible,
To run in.
You run and smile,
And smile and run,
Your face seems,
To glow.
The little droplets,
Splash against your face,
So no one would know,
That you're crying.
The rain feels like a,
Cloud, all fluffy,
It lifts you,
Into the sky.
It whispers to you,
About what you had doubted;
That you can do,
Anything at all.
You are swimming,
You are flying,
You are running,
All at the same time.
Now I know why people,
Don't explain what it feels like,
Because you can't know,
Until you've done it.
Until you've felt the drops,
On your face,
And tasted them as they fall,
Through your smile.
Until the little drops,
Have splashed against your face,
So no one would know,
That you're crying.
UVM Mentor Mango, this
UVM Mentor
Mango, this is a great poem. It moves along with great pace attacking the reader's senses and memory. You make a great turn in paralleling the rain with crying. It's a romantic notion to think of what happens when we cry in the rain. I think that for this poem to reach its potential, this is an area you should explore. To do this you need to be very intentional with you stanzas. I like that the fresh leaves fall from the weight of the rain. I can easily identify that with the emotion behind tears. Not long after however, the rain is a fluffy cloud lifting me towards the sky. These two images seem to be in contradiction. If this contradiction is something you were trying to establish, then again you would need to be conscious of how you develop it in other stanzas.
As far as form goes, yours works well to establish a nice repetitive pace. You don't need all the commas however, lines can end with no punctuation at all. Take each stanza and write it out as a sentence and place commas as you would for an english paper. This is where the commas will go in your poem as well. For instance, your first stanza might look like this: No one ever told me what rain feels like when it hits your face, or how it tastes. Whereas the second stanza might appear as follows: Now I know why, because it is impossible to use human words to describe it.
One last thing is to take another look at your line "So no one would know, that you're crying." Your two verbs (would and are) don't agree in tense. Try fiddling with that.
You have a great poem here and have laid the foundations to really polish it and fill it with meaning. Decide what it is you want to convey about the rain and tears, then work back through poem to create that feeling in each stanza.
Good luck,
Kurt
I LOVE this poem. Really,
I LOVE this poem.
Really, it's so good.