Pride and Precedence
here's what makes you who you are:
dark green silk with a lightning scar,
princess shaped shadows on a rainforest cascade,
gerber daisy chain surf, juicebox lemonade,
minty musk
driving at dusk.
you'll shiver
at every touch.
a topaz ring around your shoes,
a tassle full of painting you,
thin black lace
to encase
the asphalt tete a tete.
you
can't
forget
the blink of empty correspondence,
the predetermined automobile dents,
the prying, crying months
of tugging fish hooks.
but take a look.
your bait was sand,
the deck is empty, check your hand.
the game was never any better than the fading neon sign's allure,
no better than the myths that came before.
your legend precedes you,
they who weed you
knew
you are a black ash reflection
of awkward inflections,
of vandalism and silent schisms.
assume it was you,
never confirm,
three weeks of blue,
white flaming burn,
you're poisonous.
drink it in.
write your running metaphors,
tell yourself it's worth the awards,
tell yourself you weren't looking out the window
gazing at your wreckage far below,
at the melting girl with the melting world,
melting into her fists,
melting you between her fingertips
tell yourself you never needed
pleeded
for anything but your pride.
go ahead.
lie.
- doyourealize's blog
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jesus christ (sorry if your
jesus christ (sorry if your mega christian or something...) this was AMAZING!!!! *sits with mouth wide open, speechless* nothing to say other than that it is AMAZING!!!! (i already said that tho... i'll be up shutting now) :) keep it up!
Woah. O.O
...I can now see why you're on the youngwritersproject.org writers to read list. O_O
♦♦♦♦♦♦Dearest realize...
This is quite profound, and the rhythm is locked to perfection. This reminds me of something Saul Williams would do (I might have mentioned him to you a few times, I can't remember). Anyways, brilliant work. The only criticism I can offer is that this piece was so fast-paced, I had trouble retaining what was going on, and had to read it probably four or five times until I picked it up (Which in itself is good though, because this held my attention so well that I read this at least ten times). Maybe that just means that I'm slow, though :)
Great stuff, bud!
~Atlas.
Scim/Atlas/C...
You did mention Saul to me. And I think I'd seen him before on YouTube or HBO or something. Bloody fantastic.
Hmmm I should probably work on that speed issue. Not sure if it's a bad thing but if you of all people can't follow my train of thought (a train which I'm sure I ranted to you recently) then I doubt anyone else ever will. :)
Also: I'm deathly ill now but once I'm not we should figure out the plans for Saturday.
~realize
____________________________________________________________________
Que Sera Sera.
i love this. i'm not sure if
i love this. i'm not sure if i really understand most of it (i never take as much time as i should to interpret poetry), but i like your use of words. by that i mean you used more intelligent words to express this, and you managed to rhyme them (i'm impressed - i'm so bad at rhyming aside from the general cat bat hat). wish i could write that well haha.
doyourealize~
The rhythm of this piece is impeccable. I read it the first time and it didn't really click. Then I read it aloud, and I began to discern that rhythm.
The rhyming is so subtle. You don't just rhyme things just because...you put meaning into it.
I'd love to hear a podcast.
Like the user above mentioned...
I'm not quite sure if I understand it, but regardless of that, the words are beautiful. As is your tone.
~Sambo
Translucent Roses