I won't forget you.

"I like it when we talk."
"I like it when we talk too."
"So, talk."
& we talked.
We talked about everything.
We talked about my ex-boyfriend
& my ex-flings
(because I had never really had a boyfriend before him)
& even though he didn't mean to
he hurt me & I still can't figure out
how to deal with the fact that I feel like
I left him &
I was such a bitch &
you're just sitting there &
you're telling me that everything is okay
because it's not my fault &
he was hurting me, I didn't have a choice.
But I feel bad talking to you about this,
even now, I explain.
Because this is part of what made me hate myself so much when I was with him, I explain.
He talked about his exes & I
couldn't stand it.
So why am I doing this to you? I can't do this to you. I don't want to do this to you.
But it's okay, you explain. You like that I can talk to you about these things, you explain.

& then it's your turn & you talk about things that I don't feel like I can repeat because you're trusting me & yes people trust me all the time, they say I'm a trustworthy person but
goddamnit. I love you so much. You tell me that you've never broken up with anyone & then I laugh & think something terrible & I like staying up late with you. I can't spend the night with you, no. My parents are upstairs. You're sleeping down here & I'm sleeping up there. But I can stay up late with you. We can sit on this couch & we can spill our hearts out because isn't this what we're here for?.

& this might be one of my favorite moments, ever.