Eye of the Beheld
& sometimes,
that shard of opalescent reflection
becomes caught in consciousness,
and the fragile softness of
(already broken)
eight months past is forgotten.
Spine cracked and veins shattered,
that leaf bobbed among the breakers
until it split into tiny fragments
of long-decayed anger.
There's not much left of
what once was nearly beautiful,
because it was;
at one point.
Before the blood seeped in
and stained everything
black.
{Tiny fists can only grasp
so much
of longing, and naïvete
can only explain away
so many
lies.}
because beauty
is in the Eye of the Beholder,
and he never looked deep
enough to truly
find me.
When Dawn became beautiful again,
and the dew on the trees
was no longer sea-water,
the stitches came out by themselves.
I re-mortared the walls of my mind-maze,
& added new secret passage ways for me
to run down. I clasped Passion in iron
and locked her away, because it's dangerous
to play over ravines while wearing
long dresses
i fell anyway,
and in free-fall, long arms
stretched out &
caught me, and this was new;
this was Beautiful.
Azure heavens found jade
among the seafoam and beauty
in my imperfections.
to you,
my mind is always part of Me,
never an inconvenient
extra.
"What about that would I want to change?"
Everything, but you don't
&
this is
happiness.
- Circe's blog
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you bring to e.e. cummings
you bring to e.e. cummings your own style in a way that makes it impossible to deny it's yours, but that's magnificently okay. i enjoy this... and the word opalescent is gratifying in ways i never expected.
this is Beautiful.
Circe~
Color me impressed.
I've long been a fan of ee Cummings, and this leaves me slightly amazed. You've definitely captured the essence of his work, but like Guest said, you made it your own. I absolutely love this.
I re-mortared the walls of my mind-maze,
& added new secret passage ways for me
to run down. I draped Passion in iron
and locked her away, because it's dangerous
to play over ravines while wearing
long dresses
That is brilliant.
Ta.
i have to say, though, the
i have to say, though, the word choice of "draped" didn't impress me. i thought circe could have done better with that.
sorry, just adding my criticism... i hope it's constructive.
Mc and Guest...
Thank you both. I'm glad you liked it, and it's always good to hear positive feedback.
Guest: I am always open to constructive criticism, though I confess to not entirely knowing what you mean. What part of "draped" was strange to you? I'll certainly take it into consideration, though clarification on that point would certainly make it more valuable to me.
Thank you both again for taking the time to comment.
Ͼirce
"draped" just doesn't seem to
"draped" just doesn't seem to me to fit well with stronger words like "iron" and the concept of being "locked away". in my mind, if you want to lock this Passion (or any, for that matter) away, you're going to have to do a little more than drape her with iron... perhaps you could entangle her, or mire her. you could encase her, which is a little cliche. you could change the wording a bit, instead of just switching out words... put Passion behind iron, if you liked, or maybe you could build Passion into the new walls of those passageways, somehow. you could hobble Passion, give Passion a radius "just as long as the iron biting into her ankle"... i'm running out of ideas and they're getting more and more abstract, but i hope you see what i mean by saying "drape" is too weak... unless you're looking to achieve some sort of artistic juxtaposition, i suppose.
Guest-
The image I was going for was iron chains being draped. Would "clasped" perhaps be a better choice?
I will certainly continue to find ways to improve this; thank you so much for the feedback, it was genuinely insightful and valuable.
Ͼirce
i did get the implied
i did get the implied chains... it's just, to me, draping entails being gentle and loose. if you drape chains on someone, you're not really trying to contain them.
i think clasped works a lot better there. that's just my opinion, though.