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Prompt responses due Friday

14. Procrastination. If you had more time, you’d be able to put it off longer. What do you put off to the last moment? Why? Tell a story about how you just barely got something done in time – or didn’t.
Alternate: Splat! Use that word in a story or a poem.

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I'm Sorry

Submitted by Sweet Mother of... on December 5, 2007 - 09:59.

I stood there and rolled my eyes at you as you tried talking to me, trying to let me know something was up. As usual, I ignored you and I ignored your problems. I was too wrapped up in my own mistakes to care. I was your friend and I broke your friendship off without even realizing it, because there are some things that you can never fix.

You told me once that I was a great listener, that I should be a counselor or a therapist when I grow up. At that same conversation, I told you your writing was amazing, and you said that you'd publish soon.

Now I won't ever read your book and you'll never write the first word.

I didn't stop you that night when I should have. That's what friends are supposed to do. I was still mad at you because you made me break-up with my boyfriend, so I couldn't have cared less about what choices you made. What in the world was I thinking? I let something so small turn into something so wrong, so large, so serious.

I let you go--and now I'll never have you back in my life again.

I wish I could tell you how sorry I am now and how it eats away at me now, like acid dripping and oozing as it devours metal. It turns my stomach inside out as I drop these flowers on the ground and wipe my eyes, leaving my fond memories behind.

ggevalt's picture

Thoughts...

Submitted by ggevalt on December 5, 2007 - 14:16.

OK. So we occasionally go in and fix a spelling or terrible typo that really detracts from a reader's understanding of a piece. And this time, I went in and eliminated one of your keywords "this piece sucks."
After I did so, I decided I'd leave you a comment on why I did. First, as a reader if I see the author thinks it sucks, what am I likely to think?
Second, if you do think it sucks, why not make it better?
Or, were you looking for some outside opinion that would tell you no, Sweet Mother of Archy, this does NOT suck.
Well, here you go. Sweet Mother of Archy -- the most interesting username of the bunch -- this does NOT suck. You have clearly, powerfully expressed how you feel. It is a letter to a person who will understand EXACTLY what you mean and what you are referring to.

So here's how you can improve this, if you feel like doing a revision. And remember REVISION is the key to good writing. Since I am not the person in the know, I do not know to what you refer, so it's hard for me to visualize what you are saying and it's harder for me to connect to what you are saying. Give me, the reader, some details. What is happening? What happened? What are the mistakes?

Tell a story for an outside audience, an audience like me who does NOT know the details.

Thanks for participating.

cheers
geoff gevalt
ywp editor

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