Due this week

5. Haunted. Have you ever been in a house where things go bump in the night? Do you believe that some buildings or places are haunted? Is there one in your town? Tell us a story about it. Make it believable.
Alternate: Lockers. What one thing do you wish no one to know about in your locker? Or what is the most important thing in your locker? Deadline: Friday Oct. 17.

To submit to Newspaper Series

  • Log in. (Click "Not a YWP member?" to create an account.)

  • Click "create content" and create an ENTRY
  • Fill out "title," "author name, school & grade" and "prompt" boxes.
  • Paste story into "body."
  • Click "Submit." You are done.
    NOTES: Your account email must be accurate; a "blog" entry must be resubmitted as an ENTRY to be considered.

Stereotypes

Submitted by crookshack on January 2, 2008 - 00:04.

These words written on my face,
that "define" me,
stream down my cheeks
clumping into a black smeared mess.
Everyday I become more like them.
Everyday I find myself wishing I could find
the right soap to clean them off.
There is no such thing left.
They no longer make that soap.
The blurred letters stare back at me in the mirror,
screaming at me.
I feel the only people that can get rid of them are the ones who put them there in the first place.
The rest of me slowly starts to disappear.
The words grow stronger.
Soon enough it's all that will be left of what once was,
a person.

Jackie Potter's picture

"The blurred letters stare

Submitted by Jackie Potter on January 22, 2008 - 17:11.

"The blurred letters stare back at me in the mirror, screaming at me."
This is my favorite line. It's strong, I like it.

Really strong

Submitted by hannah_is_a_goddess on March 26, 2008 - 14:04.

I think this is a really strong poem and it is really true. Sometimes it seems like you just can't help being sucked into all the cliques and you can become a person you don't want to be. I really like the line "Everday I become more like them." I hope to see more of your writing.

UVM Mentor Great Job! The

Submitted by KWeiss1 on April 1, 2008 - 23:24.

UVM Mentor

Great Job! The first five lines grab you by the collar and pull you in with great force. The timing from "black smeared mess" to "Everyday I become more like them" is excellent. Great use of punctuation throughout the poem to really set the pace. Each word before a period drops heavy on the tongue.

"They no longer make that soap." is such a great line. I don't think there's any other way to read this than to take a deep breath, emphasize each word to its fullest and then just pause and let it all sink in.

So where to go from here? I would start with the line beginning, " I feel the only people..." At first I wanted to say it was obviously too long for the poem, but then I wanted to keep it and italicize "ones" or "first place". Either way, because it speaks about getting "rid" of the words, it should be coupled with your "soap" lines. I think this makes a nice transition afterwards between the screaming words and your disappearance. It directly links the "words" as an active agent with your disappearance, making them the sole culprit.

The only other thing is the imagery of the "black smeared mess" streaming down your cheeks. THis "black" image, emptiness, lack of definition, I think it could work well coming back at the end of the piece. When you disappear is it into this "mess"?

I hope you revisit this. Good luck.

Kurt

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