Savior
Submitted by shepardmi on January 8, 2008 - 13:39.
Savior
By Miranda Shepard
Rochester High School, Grade 9
I’ve found you, wayward child,
Let me take you in,
I want to help you to forget your past,
This is where your new life will begin.
You will no longer need to whisper,
Neither shall you frown,
If others choose to pick on you,
Don’t let them bring you down.
Forget slouching when embarrassed,
Always stand with pride,
Never be ashamed of what you must say,
Speak what you feel inside.
Don’t be so negative; little one,
You can make dreams come true,
All you need to do; my darling,
Is put your fears behind you.
Wayward child, you look oh so very lost,
Starting now forget of all strife,
Yesterday is over, my darling,
Today; you will begin your new life.
Mentor Feedback
Hey Miranda, my name is Billy and I'm a sophomore at the University of Vermont. I just read your poem and I think it is great, I love the message of it. The image of the wayward child is very effective in what you are trying to say with the poem. I like the voice that the narrator takes on in the poem, as the reader feels the assertive yet comforting tone of the speaker and the fragility of the child. If I were to give you one piece of advice for the poem, I would try to stick to a stronger meter pattern in the poem, for you follow a pattern in rhyme and a general meter but if you could keep the lines to roughly the same length it would make the message of the poem even stronger. Each line is its own related piece of advice or rule to live by, so if you were able to set up a pattern for line length it would connect these lines even more. Still though, its a refreshingly hopeful and kind piece that I thoroughly enjoyed reading. Keep on writing!
Billy Clark