Passing Glance

This is really good Harlan. I feel like I can relate.

UVM Mentor

Harlan,

I really like what you've done with the title of this poem. The transition from "People pass me by without a glance" to "Will spare a passing glance." is really well done. It demonstrates an overall theme of the poem which you have well accomplished, taking the literal sense and transforming it into a metaphoric sense. Did you literally fall in some street or hallway, or is a sense of abandon you feel represented by falling?

With that in mind, I'm curious as to why you chose the line: I wear all black. This seems too literal to match the rest of the poem. The shadow imagery is great in the following sentence, and this blatant line seems a little unnecessary to prepare the reader for that image.

WIth all this said, I think you have much more to address in this poem. This is a start to a terrific poem, but it leaves too much unanswered at this point. This is a mere introduction to a character or frame of mind, but what can be learned here? You cant simply state: I am alone. It's your duty as an author to find a meaning within that and press it to the page.

A few other notes.

Did you intentionally leave your "i" in the lower case? I would advise against it if so.

Punctuation. You don't need all the commas. Lines can end with no punctuation at all. Take each stanza and write it out as a sentence and place commas as you would for an english paper. This is where the commas will go in your poem as well. For instance, your first stanza might look like this: I fall to the floor. People pass me by without a glance. I do not exist. I wear all black and in the corner where I fall, I am nothing but a shadow.

Good luck.

Kurt