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"One-Thousand Peas"

LancorGoalie's picture

I wake up to the thunder booming across the sky. I look out my window and I see a young man across the street soaking wet. I grab my teal jacket and run out the front door into the pouring rain. I do not see the young man anymore, but I rush across the street to where he was standing moments before. In his place is a small green pea. More of them lead a path into the woods. I start to follow the peas hoping to find him.

27 peas have gone by. The trees loom higher and higher above me. Owl's hoot and the full moon shines brighter through the tree branches. 407 peas. 408. The sky turns a faint pink as the sun starts to rise. I don't know how long I've walked, but it doesn't feel too long. The rain stops and the sun shines like sparkles on a dress. A small river comes into view with a small rowboat waiting for me.

I climb in and the wood feels like silk under my fingers. The boat magically makes its way across the river. I see my reflection in the water. I see my messy brown fishtail braid and the spread of freckles on my face. The boat hits the other side scaring me. I climb back out and follow the peas once again. 612 peas. 613. My legs burn with the effort of walking, but I keep on going because I hear trumpets.

The trees end where a huge beautiful victorian castle appears. I make my way up to the enormous door. 872 peas. Once inside I feel like a piece of dust in the galaxy. The green peas lead me up a set of stairs. 998. 999 peas. I open the door and one pea remains on the floor. 1,000 peas to get to this wonderful place. On the bed lays a soft green gown. Three maids come from the shadows and start to undress and redress me. One does my hari into an intricate updo. I feel like royalty. 

"Why am I here?" The maids look at each other. One with long red hair answers.

"Your highness, Prince William thinks you deserve a better life and that you will make a very sophisticated princess." I nod letting the woman lead me to a room where music seeps from within. Everyone is dancing. I slowly walk into the room. I can feel eyes on my back and I feel uncomfortable. I am unsure why I am here. Even though I have no parents and live off dumpster food. 

Someone to my right takes my arm, then bows before me. "I am Prince William. I hope you feel welcomed here. Princess Orchid, may I have this dance?" I take his outstretched hand and he pulls me close. His blonde hair, blue dazling eyes, and perfect white teeth make him gorgeous. I smile too and whisper, "Why me?" He answers twirling me around.

"Because you're beautiful on the inside and outside. Plus you deserve a fairy tale." I smile once again and dance the night away.

 

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GoVegetarian's picture

Nice Descriptions, But More are Needed

I love some of the descriptions you used in this. Some of your sentences such as, "The rain stops and the sun shines like sparkles on a dress," really helps bring the reader into the story, and makes them feel like they're there with you.

I do have a few suggestions. First of all, I think your story would benefit from more descriptions and detail. You have a few, but there are some places that are missing it. 

I think that if you make this change, your story will be just that much better.

~GoVegetarian

"If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian."

pretty-in-pink8's picture

Good

This is pretty good and i like how you turned a mystery into a fairy tale

Grace's picture

This is such a perfect fairy

This is such a perfect fairy tale!!! Great job :)

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars...   

This is a really good story!!

This is a really good story!!

angela weasly's picture

Great job!

Great job!

''Humans... the only animals that cut down tree's, make paper out of them, and then write, ''Save the tree's'' on it. Human logic.''

Nicole Faust's picture

It's very interesting. I

It's very interesting. I especially love the ending. I think it really brings you into the moment, makes you love the characters. I, who am terrible at endings, applaud you.