winter
Submitted by pejachamo on January 25, 2008 - 08:48.
Patrick Clark
Winter
A time for fun
1 single week off from school
freedom
outside
playing
sledding
snowball fights
kids play all day
chest deep in this cold fur blanket
bundled up so tightly
waddling
in bright colored jackets
hidden behind snow drifts
falling into little tunnels
popping up right behind you
as shadowy strangers
lurking
in these giant clouds
each one disappearing until all you see is white
Winter
HAHA
BRYCE: it sounds exactly like us kids when we were young broha.
A beginning
Patrick,
What a great series of images you've given us here. As Burton_Rocker said, it's "exactly like us kids when we were young." I also like how you bracket the poem with the word "winter." The issue, as I see it, is that this isn't quite a poem yet - it's just a list of images. Somehow you need to connect everything (beyond the title), to create some kind of narrative or story or larger point flowing through. I actually think this could be an opportunity to make this piece into an essay instead of a poem - you certainly have the material; you just need to flesh it out. Each image could be its own paragraph. Give it a try!
Thanks for submitting, and keep writing!
Nathan