The Sheep of My Life

I am a Catholic that isn't sure if God exists. So shoot me. Apparently everyone else in my religion class wants to, so why shouldn't you? You can pick on me, make me cry, but you can never take away my thoughts. You can never invade my personal sanctom, therefore this fight can not be won by you. Yes, you. The sheep of the world. The ones who believe you should have your mind handed to you. That your beliefs, your world, your entire existence should be filled with people telling you how to live.

This whole new rant I've created, is brought to you by my very own peers. We were doing a fairly harmless activity in our religion class where our teacher would say a statement and we would have to move to the area which corresponded with our feelings toward that statement. The summary of all three questions was this: Was Jesus Christ truly the Son of God. And you know what my honest answer was? I don't know. That's right. I. Don't. Know. So I moved to the 'Not Sure' area. There I was ridiculed and persecuted by my various peers until I had to fight every molecule within me to keep from crying.

Sheep are what I've dubbed my peers. The ones who follow one mind, one life, one belief. They aren't only sheep as far as religion goes, though. Oh, no, they are sheep in everything they do. They stick to whatever is safe, and they fear those black sheep who see the sun and believe they should be allowed to wander out of the pen. I am proud to say I am a black sheep. This doesn't mean the white sheep can't hurt me, though. Just because I hold more thoughts, does not mean I don't cry when they laugh at me when they think I can't hear them. No, in truth, I am just like them. Just as weak, and yearning to be kept from the wolves.

You know what the worst thing about this whole experience is? Is that I'm trying to teach them, these sheep, that life is theirs to take. I am teaching them through example. Hoping that they will follow me. My highest hope is that they follow me soon. But no, they won't follow me now anymore than they would in years to come. And this, above all things, above my personal pain, above them being sheep to being with, hurts me the most. They will never learn, because they fear the woods beyond the pen. Those brave enough to leave get taunted and tormented for our beliefs, even when we believe what they are doing sometimes is the right thing. I admit, I do follow them sometimes, but only when I know it is the right desicion for me. They stay where they are because of the saftey it holds.

I won't weep for myself, but for those sheep who stay in the pen and fall victim to wolves they refused to believe would get them in their pen.