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Prompt responses due Friday

14. Procrastination. If you had more time, you’d be able to put it off longer. What do you put off to the last moment? Why? Tell a story about how you just barely got something done in time – or didn’t.
Alternate: Splat! Use that word in a story or a poem.

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Losing It

Submitted by SRPiNk33 on January 31, 2008 - 08:51.

I used to be such a strong person.
But a lot has changed, a lot has happened.
And I've had to deal with so much more
Than any person should have to go through.
And you know something?
I finally broke.
In the midst of this self-inflicted pain,
Everything around me crashed,
And I fell right with it.
So I'm not that strong anymore,
I don't know if I can handle this.
I'm losing my hold
And I will let go.

hey

Submitted by motokid on January 31, 2008 - 13:06.

hey nice poem i liked it:$TOmmy$

I liked the structure of

Submitted by jsheehe on January 31, 2008 - 16:14.

I liked the structure of your poem because it felt more like a story or maybe the introduction to one. Because it gives that impression I think you could really develop it into a longer piece. Good job!

-Jess

Megan16's picture

...

Submitted by Megan16 on February 6, 2008 - 08:49.

you are still a strong person don't ever forget that...I <3 U!
~Megan

Live...Love...Laugh...

Hmm

Submitted by SRPiNk33 on February 6, 2008 - 09:00.

Maybe..
I dunno anymore haha..

Sierra<3

Nice

Submitted by JordanP on February 15, 2008 - 09:17.

Hey, this is a pretty good poem, I like it. But that self inflicted pian? Thats creepy. Maybe you should talk to someone, haha =)XxJordanxX

Hahaha

Submitted by SRPiNk33 on February 15, 2008 - 09:28.

Bahaha!
Jordan, you're a nutt.
I do talk to people, like you hehe.
Thank youu Mr. Counselor =P

Sierra<3

nice poem

Submitted by Vern on February 28, 2008 - 10:39.

hey this is a good poem {GReg}

Hehe.

Submitted by SRPiNk33 on March 3, 2008 - 09:02.

Thanks Greg =]

Sierra<3
-------------
"Slow down..The world isn't watching us break down..."

UVM Mentor Feedback

Submitted by nataliap on March 4, 2008 - 11:20.

Sierra,
I'm with Jess, this is the start of something great! You touch on what I believe is a very real experience for many students your age. I remember myself beginning to loose the naivety of my elementary and middle school years as I entered into high school and what seemed to be the 'real world'.

I'd love for you to go deeper with this piece. Can you describe with rich figurative language the experiences you have gone through? Much of student writing around your age (my own being no exception) is very sad and full of angst. If you could bring the reader into your lived experience by explaining more of what you're going though it would help to validate your emotions. The beauty of the poetic style in which you've presented your piece is that you don't have to explain exactly what's going on but you can instead use metaphors, similes (ect) to show the weight of your experience.

Thanks so much for submitting,
Natalia
UVM Mentor

Keep going!

Submitted by JordanP on March 20, 2008 - 07:51.

Keep going on this. It could be really good. Your a very good writer and could go far! XxJordnxX

Keep going!

Submitted by JordanP on March 20, 2008 - 07:51.

Keep going on this. It could be really good. Your a very good writer and could go far! XxJordnxX

This is Really good!!

Submitted by luckyducky4 on March 21, 2008 - 07:53.

I really like this! I don't know how to explain it, but it's easy to connect with for me...I LOVE the wording you used. ♥Rachael

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