To my Freshman Year Health Teacher

flaming tears's picture

To my Freshman year health teacher:

 

One time, you told us to write about how we there the one who

*insert whatever here*

I never wrote that for you,

(I was kinda too busy crying because the movie you showed us was terribly sad)

so here it is.

 

I am the one

who cries in health class during movies.

And I don't mean a quiet wimper

I mean as if I had suddenly grown waterfalls in my eyes

and I decided that the best way to respond would be to pretend I couldn't breathe

without sounding like a dying seagull.

 

I am the one

who sometimes sits down and thinks

"Will I have a job?"

Like, I'm good at what I do,

but there are thousands upon thousands of people who are better

and want to take the same spot as I do and

I have nothing on them.

They're ready to take on the world with

genius pouring out of every word

and I couldn't even find the words to ask her to say.

 

I am the one

who does not fall in love often.

But the last time I really fell in love,

she broke me so hard it's been two years and I still

can't stop thinking about her.

Like she had a permanent residence in my mind,

and then she left,

but I could never buy the property back and she left her things there.

They remind me of her.

They all remind me of her.

Smiles remind me of her.

Poetry reminds me of her.

Hope reminds me of her.

 

I am the one

who responds to a message telling me

"I never want to see you again"

with: I understand.

Like, what kind of messed up person responds with that

to someone he loves?

Yeah, I understand, I don't want to see me either,

but you get a choice.

You can lock the memories of me away and forget them

I'm stuck with me forever!

I hope you've forgotten me by now.

Threw the memories of me away

watched them burn.

I hope my name means nothing to you.

But at the same time I still want to know you.

I hope I meet you on the sidewalk and

you decide that I'm funny and give me your number

and I hope you give me a second chance and

you end up realizing that yes, we are soulmates and

the reason I can't let go is because we were meant for each other.

We were meant for each other.

 

I am the one

who sometimes plays card games alone.

Sometimes, I play video games on multiplayer just

to see how it feels and

maybe this is the textbook definition of lonely.

But if so, they should re-write the textbooks because

I am my own best friend.

What you never got to see was that, if you're stuck with me long enough

it's not impossible to love me.

It was never impossible for you to love me.

But you only saw calamity

you only saw a train-wreck waiting to happen

and good news, it didn't happen

because the trains had their act together.

Maybe you were just too blind to see it.

 

I am the one

who tries to fall in love with every girl he meets,

but fails and

somtimes I wonder if I really did miss my only chance.

Because sure, there are plenty of fish in the sea,

but what if you're allegeric?

What if you 

are the only fish who didn't make me break out in hives?

What if you took permanent residence in my heart?

What if, even though you don't pay rent,

I can't kick you out

even though you don't live there anymore?

You left the door locked

you took the only key with you.

I hope, wherever you are,

you look at that key sometimes,

and you remember me.

Or else you've forgotten

and so you go searching for where it came from

and one day you find me again and open up the room.

And decide to live there.

If you want a roomate.

I was thinking we could share it.

 

So, you want to know who I am?

I am the one

who fell in love with the idea of a girl so hard

it's been two years

and almost every poem I write

is still

about her.

 

 

 

Sprouts from this post:
I Am the Girl pianolady

I am the girl who smiles

Who feels guilty when she cries

Because she knows that

She has so much to be happy for

Because so many people expect her to be happy

...

ยป

Comments

It is going to be quite a

doug.demaio's picture

It is going to be quite a while before I forget this... 

 

"I am the one

who responds to a message telling me

"I never want to see you again"

with: I understand.

Like, what kind of messed up person responds with that

to someone he loves?

Yeah, I understand, I don't want to see me either,

but you get a choice."

 

This is so raw. It's amazing how the poem progressed, from that simple idea in health class, into something so powerful. It keeps the reader completely off-balance, in a very engaging way. I'm not really sure how to describe it.

We also tweet, fb, tumbl, & instagram! :)

May I just inform you that

pianolady's picture

May I just inform you that you are really quite skilled at making me cry without letting me understand why in the world I am crying. That sentence made no sense, but it's the only way I could think of to say it.

 

For life is not a paragraph

And death, i think, is no parenthesis

 

 

 

Thanks! Your sentence's

flaming tears's picture

Thanks!

Your sentence's meaning was clear, by the way.

I'm glad you liked the poe,.

 

Flaming Tears, YWP Mentor --  Specializing in oral perfomances, and prose, but ready and willing to help with anything. Feel free to message me!

wow wow i love this so much.

MissAmericanIdiot's picture

wow wow i love this so much. it's so raw and emotional and i can relate to it probably more than i should be able to. i'm still trying to catch my breath. this part especially is going to be stuck in my mind for a long time, i think, because it's so true for me as well:

"I am the one

who does not fall in love often.

But the last time I really fell in love,

she broke me so hard it's been two years and I still

can't stop thinking about her."

great job. really.

Thank you! I'm sorry to hear

flaming tears's picture

Thank you!

I'm sorry to hear about your loss of someone special as well.

I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one, though, i was worried I may be the only one.

 

Flaming Tears, YWP Mentor --  Specializing in oral perfomances, and prose, but ready and willing to help with anything. Feel free to message me!

"Yeah, I understand, I don't

Sizzurp's picture

"Yeah, I understand, I don't want to see me either,

but you get a choice."

Like a punch to the gut.

ywpmentor | nerd-in-residence interested in your crafty phrases, fresh images, humor, bizzare ideas, G.U.M., and punctuation

Oh my gosh! That is so great!

I love it! Even though I can't completly relate to that since I am still too young for it, I can totally feel it. 

 

You always make the best things. :D

Kate

We decided to put this one up

doug.demaio's picture

We decided to put this one up on Tumblr. Great stuff.

We also tweet, fb, tumbl, & instagram! :)

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