To my New York City baby
In apartment 15 C
If you’re so cosmic
Why don't you write your own damn
This is a really catchy-sounding poem-- you've done a good job of giving it a strong sense of rhythm, and the rhyme between the second and last lines is nice. However, at the poem's current length and level of detail, it leaves me with a lot of questions. (for example: How does the title relate to the content of the poem? What type of relationship does the poem's narrator have to the person being addressed, and how did the person being addressed act to make the narrator feel that way about him/her? What type of people are the characters of this poem?) It seems like there's good backstory here, making me feel like the stanza you've already written wants to be the start of a longer poem. While it's great to leave your reader feeling a little curious, I bet this poem would also be really interesting if you expanded it more.
Keep up the good work!
(UVM mentor: feel free to ask me anything!)
I like this poem. It reminds me of the New York School poets like Frank O'Hara. :)
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