Why Me

 

 

I woke up on the floor. I wasn’t surprised by this since it happens quite frequently. This night, however, was different. I had dozed off while reading “Good Night Moon” for the millionth time so I could memorize it. I looked around my room and sure enough, the book was perched atop my covers, mocking me. This was not going to to be a good day. I went downstairs and tripped over my strategically placed cat. She did not want me to pet her after that. At breakfast, I choked on a rogue Cheerio. When I brushed my teeth, a spider appeared next to my bare foot. I finished brushing my teeth in the downstairs bathroom. The car door closed on my finger. I got hit in the face with an overinflated dodgeball and it got worse from there. My science lab report got torn in my backpack and got a facefull of snow when I slipped on ice.  I came home with cuts and bruises everywhere. My mom asked what happened. I said that I had woken up on the wrong side of the bed.

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Comments

Eli, Your last line is so

Sizzurp's picture

Eli,

Your last line is so punchy! I think you could bring that energy to the whole piece by sloughing off extra words and switching up/regularizing your tenses. For example, "I wasn't surprised since it happened quite frequently" OR "I'm not surprised since it happens quite frequently." Making subtle changes like this throughout the piece will help build momentum to your punchline. 

Great job and please write on!

Sizzurp

ywpmentor | nerd-in-residence interested in your crafty phrases, fresh images, humor, bizzare ideas, G.U.M., and punctuation

I really enjoy the bit about

onelonelyoddsock's picture

I really enjoy the bit about good night moon, perfectly placed personification! The whole thing is subtly funny in a great way. The little parts you leave to the imagination!! Bravo!

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