loss

Oh, what would I do without my friends...
I would be like a black hole,
taking in just whatever comes to me,
it's not having any effect on me...
Not without my friends...

Friends are something that everyone writes in their interests,
you just can't live without them.
They're a special thing,
the story of your life.

The main character in mine.

Small and petite,
Holding a pen,
Finger tips to the keyboard.
Teal walls, and candles surround her,
Light dances and the moon glows.
“Are you ok?” I whisper.
Luminous light brown eyes water and blink,
Her mouth moves and I hear, “No, she’s gone…”

My fingers brush
Over the keys
As I softly
Create a chord
Which transitions
Into the rhythm

With the other hand
I compose a melody
And suddenly
I'm reminded
Of that last day in June

We played a duet
Our hands caressing
The enharmonics
When all they really wanted
Was each other

Tears come to my eyes
And trickle down my cheeks
When I remember
How we used to play tag
Or golf
We didn't care
As long as we were together

And then
That day came
When everything fell apart
There was no going back
And I knew I shouldn't do it
But it happened
I did scribble that letter
Ending it
Once and for all
Thinking we could still be friends
I suppose
You had other obligations

Not a week later
I see you with her
Fingers entwined
A privilage never offered to me
Not in public

It hurt
But I didn't cry
I was too far beyond crying
The waterworks had broken
With the rest of the factory

Some engineer came
And started to design a new building

Sleep pulls at me
Like a Ford Tundra
I can't resist

I don't want to

I know that
You'll be there
Waiting

Ready
To wrap your arms
Around me once more

But in my dreams
You're not leaving
We have time

The setting varies
Like a set of postcards
They're all beautiful

We can stare
Into each other's eyes
Uninterrupted

We can laugh
As we play pranks
On each other

There's no worrying
About how much longer
We have together

And then dread
Creeps over me
Like bedbugs

I can hear
My mother's voice
Calling

Trying to wake me
From my reverie
As if it's a nightmare

Suddenly
You're leaving
Again

And I'm drowing
In my own tears
Of sorrow

As I wake up
I try not
To let her hear

The pain
In my voice

It's not her fault

Once she leaves
I'm back
Back in my dream

Thankfully

But the phone rings
And jolts me awake
My face still wet

And this time
There's no
Going back

I'll have to wait
Until twilight

She turns up the sound
As if the dissonant chords
Can blast out her thoughts

She pounds on the drums
As if she can pound out the cramps
Left from them leaving

She bars out the chords
As if the pain in her fingers
Can replace the pain in her heart

She belts out the lyrics
As if she can't hear herself
Over the voices screaming in her head

She curses at the screen
As if her words make more sense
Than her feelings

As if
Someone besides her
Cares

Accident

The car, was going fast,
and the driver was tired.
Too tired.
So tired he was asleep.
They were both asleep,
and neither of them knew,
What was about to happen.
The car skidded.
More like flew, across the road,
The flying piece of iron,
Hit a tree, and the tree was big,
Too big.
The sound was loud.
The crashing of metal,
The crack of wood.
Sparks were flying, the fire had started,
Sirens and flashing lights,
Swarmed onto the scene, trying.
Trying to save two loved ones,
that were about to be lost.
But it was late.
Too late.
Two people died that day.
An uncle, brother, son, and soon to be father,
A grandfather, a dad, a husband, a loved one.
Although we are still recovering,
Things are better.
We will live through

Tears pour slipping slobbery to the floor
More and more
Fiery cheeks burn rouge heating your face
Sobs flow endlessly as they pace
Though the smoldering ashes
Of antagonism and grief
Fighting fire escaping the memory
With no water to heal the wound
That burns in your heart like a dying flame
Night after night

Four-wheelers, dirt bikes, dirt jumps, rocky road, long trails; this is life I wish I could go back to right now. Jordan, Minnesota is where I long to be, the place where you can always smell hot dogs or hamburgers being grilled, spaghetti or macaroni and cheese being cooked. It’s the place where the dirt is always flying, as well as the people; the place where friends and family are jumping on the leave covered trampoline or swimming in a dirty pool. The atmosphere that surrounds is almost uplifting. You can talk to people, and they love your presence, no one fights anymore, even if you are in the same family. Everyone always has a smile on their face as if to say “hi, welcome to my home.” It’s my utopia, my place of Zen and peace. My cousins live in this wonderful place, it’s their home, and always will be.
Every time my family visits, I finally feel accepted, because people like me for who I am, not what I look like, or how I act. When we arrive, the guys, and sometimes the girls, have mud all over them. This would be because they have been either four-wheeling, or dirt biking. G-Dogg is their team name, they named themselves that after their father, Glen K*****, who died a while ago from Dermatitis, which turned into P.C.P. pneumonia. Without him, many of the team members would not have been born. The rest who were not direct family, were taken in by Glen and treated just like his own kids, brothers, or sisters. Glen put so much passion into racing, that he structured his life around it, and lived for it. He is missed by all, and his legacy lives on in their team spirit.

My Grandma

Vivian S*****
But to me,
She was my Grandma
She has filled my heart with love
And filled my mind with memories
Of fun times
Full of laughter and joy
We have laughed and played together
Though I didn’t see her much,
I still feel like I know her
From the inside out
Nothing could stop her from learning
And going to Purdue
There were good times and bad times
But most of them were good
I am sad about her leaving us
But then again I feel glad
And now her pain is gone
She is in a better place
Even though she has left her body
Her spirit is with us
I shall never forget her
She will always be in the clouds with Jesus
Watching us down here
Having fun out there
While we are down here
Feeling happy for her
But unhappy that she had to leave her body
She will remember us
As we will remember her
And she will always be in my heart
And in my mind
A little picture left behind
Vivian S*****
But to me
She was my Grandma

This may be one of the most heartfelt pieces I have ever written. I know that some things just happen, and they happen for a reason, I just wish I knew why. I actually have two stories in one, but let’s start with the one that happened in mid-July of 2005, that way I will be able to give an introduction to what the real story is about. Then I’ll be starting the shorter one afterwards.

I gave you it all
Helping you, keeping you safe, teaching you, loving you
But what did you do?
well you just threw it all away
Back then, you said we were an item. An unbreakable bond

I could see it.
You thought I couldn't?
Slowly falling deeper
Drawn by all those "dark" temptations
I tried sweetheart, I TRIED.
Pulling you back up!
My hands raw, torn, soon to be calloused.