god

I know to you it's nothing big
To lead me on, then loosen grips
To send me love and soothe my soul
While knowing nothing else shall grow
I know of course you set them high
Those expectations that I climb
To reach the top and take your hand
A promise bound in fiction lands
In foreign sights and fairy tales
Where princes know when love sets sail
And follows 'long as time ticks on
So fast the travel when hearts be fond

I sit and wait
I love, then hate
Frustration lurks as days go late
But hope remains in later dates
Confusion perks. I bite the bait

And only then do minds come clear
Yet anger shows through patient tears
Forced to linger, pushed in fear
That you will never lend thy ear
You will never bend to hear

Other sides can win the race
Other dragons slow the pace
And princess dreams do not replace
The faith you have to see my face
In glass reflection back at thee
Translucent eyes that see through me

Veils so quick can turn straight black

Listening to: Reel Big Fish - Everything Sucks
(in my head..."doo-doo-do-do-do-d-doo-doo"...yeahhh...)

I was just thinking...
It is fairly well accepted that Scientologists are crazy right? They believe that little aliens are in our brains trying to make us do bad things...or some shit like that...
That sounds TOTALLY insane.
But...
The idea of "God" is not nearly as ridiculed. Sure, there are people that think it's ridiculous, but you can't just sit down at a table full of people you don't know and go
"So, how bout those Christians, eh? Thinkin' there's god. What nuts!"
But, you can do that with scientology...(I have.)

But...think about it.

Little invisible creatures in our heads telling us what to do = Scientology, right? (More or less...)

One huge badass intangible consciousness floating around telling people what to do = Christianity. (Again, more or less. Jesus wasn't THAT important anyway...)

Long ago, you became frustrated with your fellow humans. It had started off as a nagging almost-thought in the back of your overworked brain. It grew. It became a regular thought, a constant thought, an obsession. You would lay awake at nights, listing undefined things that you hated about mankind. Your job ceased to apply. You became unemployed, hungry and impoverished. You never noticed. Too many people were suffering. There was too much wrong with the world for you to notice your own problems.
Death was not far off. You became a mess of bones contained by taut, colorless, rubbery skin, nearly robbed of life by your own brain.

God sits atop his throne, looking down at his subjected multitudes. He grins to himself, relishing the pure extent of his power.
He tries to get up, but realizes that thick chains bind him to his throne. A cry of devastation echoes across your brain as God realizes that he, along with his subjects, can only exist there.

You thank “Him” for success, and excuse “Him” of fault for your failures. Do you really have that little faith in humanity?

God is not dead. God, being a product of men’s minds, is only dead when we no longer believe in him. When every person who believes that God is alive is dead or converted to Godless ways, God will be dead.
At best, God is sick. Or, I think more appropriately, he is the ailment that is gradually being cured. If we think of humanity as a single organism, and each person as one of the millions or billions of cells that comprise that organism, then we can see God as something like a virus. I’m not a virologist, so my charictature of this religious illness may not be completely accurate. God as a virus has infected many, many of the cells in body. The effects that this virus has on the cells vary greatly from cell-to-cell, but it is generally a malignant force. But there is a cure. A small select group of the cells, we can call them thinking cells, are producing an antibody called “reason” that is very, very gradually killing the virus, cell by cell.

We reach out
To friends
To family
To God
To role models

We reach out
Looking for
Security
Hoping for
Safety

We reach out
To people
Who we can't
Talk to in
Person

We reach out
To people who
Won't email us
Back

We reach out
To people we
Get frustrated with
Who get frustrated
With us

We reach out
Hoping they'll
Do the same
Wishing they'll
Put their trust
In us
Like we put ours
In them

We reach out
Even though we
Just know
They'll never
Talk to us
About it

We reach out
So that we
Can be there
In the rare event
They'll open up
And talk to us

We reach out
Even though
They seem to
Reject us
All the time

We reach out

Why?

Part IV

Third Chapter

After lunch I had a few minutes to look over where I would be sleeping. It was, of course, another painful reminder that I was in Hell. The room was about fifty feet across and extended out of sight. Each wall was lined with bunk beds that were only spaced a couple feet apart. Another depressing detail was that there were no mattresses on the bed boards and the pillows were blocks of wood. I also noted that there were doors spaced every few hundred feet down the dorm. I groaned. I’d never sleep at all in conditions like this.

I think will double as an introductory post and the publication of my first poem. First, I'm Zak and I listened to poetry all weekend at the conference, so it was on my mind when I got home. I'm much more of a prose writer. I focus mostly on my cynical, dry and sarcastic sense of humor in it. I also occasionally write lyrics, which are more political and religious.
When I got home, I pretty immediately wrote a poem. I don't fancy it aesthetic or particularly clear, but I like it. Without further ado, I will copy it and paste it from my computer:

Cocaine, heroin, "marijuana"
crystal meth, 'shrooms, ecstasy
they're narcotics.
they warp your perception of the world,
bending light and beckoning darkness.

"I did not sleep with that woman."
"Mission accomplished."
they're falsehoods.
hoaxes perpetrated by those with power.
power over the wills and minds of the generic demeaning metaphors.

The government recoils from the drugs, and the parents recoil with them.

Throughout the world, there are many beliefs. There are many different kinds of religions out there as well. There's Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, and many more. People all over the world have a strong belief in God and His existence. However, I am not one of those people.

I shouldn't say that I don't believe in God. What I mean to say is that I do not believe in one god. I believe that there are many powerful entities out in the universe that work together. I don't believe in there being one divine spirit with all of the power, but in many spirits that share and use that power to look out for the planet.

Through the theater, I am given power
I create everything for them to use
Their surroundings
Their light
Their sound
Without me, they wouldn’t have much
I may be just a techie,
But I control their entire world
And should they ever push me too far
Ha! Blackout!
I can bring their world crumbling down.

To believe
In God
Takes courage
And strength
Knowing the Devil's evil ways
Of temptation
So many things come into view when you believe
Like how much one person
Can affect the lives of thousands
Sometimes all I can think about
Is just saying how i feel
And hoping my listeners take it well
People who don't actually don't know what life is about
Will have a life changing experience

Pure bliss

Awesome worship

Peace,
Yet noise

Praying so hard
Singing so hard
I’m shaking

So close to crying

But trying
So hard
To be close to God

Loving every second
Feeling every heartbeat
Wishing for it to never end

Can’t wait till next year

Next year’s
Youth convention,
Youth convention
2009
Syracuse, NY

Fly
I feel like I could
Lift my arms
And soar

So much joy
It’s overwhelming, almost
I love the feeling
It’s wonderful
Such wonder
Such beauty
Such love
Such worship

Everything gone
Every feeling, dispersed
Knowing that all you need
Is God

He is here
There
Everywhere
Trying to get you to find him

Putting so much trust
Into something so great
So awesome
So mysterious

I stand In the warm beach sand,
I watch the tides ebb and flow.
I see all of the people here,
Making foot prints as the go.

I see each laughing child.
I smile at each passing friend.
I see each footprint made.
And I cry when it all must end.

I wish I could go with them.
Each and every one.
But instead I get to watch each passing foot print,
Each shadow of the sun.

Pin holes in the cloth of dreams,
Diamonds on jet black silk.
To each star its own legend,
To each its own tale.

Have you ever seen the stars dance at night?
How they shift and join?
Have you seen them glitter and glow.
I have seen them make a little bear.
And the wild bobcat.

I have seen them fall from the sky
I have seen how they wish to touch the earth.

I am the Watcher,
I have seen the sun,
Rise and fall each day.
The moon surface and set.
I sit and watch

Each life flits away.
To me they are like butterflies,
Each one different and yet the same.
I watch each life flit away.

Each life has its own color,
Each life takes its own path,
And then each life is taken.
Taken away so different,
and yet so the same.

I am the Watcher,
I have seen the sun,
Rise and fall each day.
The moon surface and set.
I sit and watch

Each life flits away.
To me they are like butterflies,
Each one different and yet the same.
I watch each life flit away.

Each life has its own color,
Each life takes its own path,
And then each life is taken.
Taken away so different,
and yet so the same.

The world was created in six days,
Noah built an arch for his family,
The center of the universe is the Trinity.

To these things I do not pray,
I see the big bang and evolution,
In science I see a revolution.

An atheist is someone with whom they do not play,
Ideas are different with all of us,
But in mine they do not trust.

In godlessness they see worldly decay,

I've got five dollars and a bucket full of ice
Working on preserving all that I deem right.
I say
I'm going to be
God Of The New World
And keep all the doors locked tight
On nightmares and darker lights.

I've seen four murders and half dead police
Telling me to say what I have seen.
I say
I'm going to be
God Of The New World
And weed out the unworthy and talk high